Flash Him

Note: this post is not intended for single women

Get in the habit of flashing you husband frequently, but be unpredictable. It doesn't have to be just up top. Flashing a bit of skin other places is erotic, too. Of course, with children around you must use discretion, caution and a lot of creativity, but I'm sure your man would love to see you flirt that way with him. It's so worth it to see the jaw drop out of sheer shock and enjoyment. :)

Asking Forgiveness

I think it is important for children to see our personal walks with the Lord reflected in our daily lives. If we have struggles that are appropriate to share with them we can ask them to help us by reminding us. It also goes for when we fail - especially in front of or towards them. I think it is important to ask their forgiveness and explain what we did wrong, why it wasn't pleasing to the Lord and what we should have done. I usually go through these steps with my children when they have sinned. I asked them what they did wrong, why it wasn't pleasing to the Lord (using scripture, usually) and what they should have done instead. I often help them with the "correct" answers, but provide time for them to reply with their own ideas first. Anyway, if I've lost my temper, or been disrespectful to their Daddy or something else, not only does the offended person deserve an apology, but I try to apologize to the children for my bad example and explain everything to them. This, I hope, will be an example for them in the future to be able to apply to themselves without my needed intervention.

Coupon Savings

Well, I decided to give a little tip for this year's Christmas gift giving. It does have to do with coupons, but it's not what you think. I'm taking this in a different direction.

Since being married to Seth and him being the one and only bread winner in this family I have always felt silly buying him gifts because it is all his money anyway! Christmas would roll around and I would not have gotten him anything. I would just tell him to please feel free to splurge and get yourself something you really want. Don't feel guilt spending the extra money, yada yada yada. Seth could care less about gifts, so I don't think it really offended him, but now that we've been married over 6 years I feel a lot more confident in gift buying - both with purchasing and with the purchase it's self. However, some years are tighter than others and this is something I did one year when I still didn't feel the liberty to just spend his money on gifts for him.

I created a hand made coupon book. No, not those kinds of coupons! I made about 15 different "freebies" for him to use up as he liked. It ranged anywhere from a free hot drink or a full body massage (given by myself, of course!) You can make it as practical and/or as sensual as you want (or rather, as he'd like:). I also added two blank coupons for something he might fancy that I hadn't thought of. Some more ideas are as follows:

running an errand for him when it isn't convenient for him
a personal dance performed for him
a free evening guaranteed without distractions (steal his cell phone and keep kids from calling on him)
a kiss
a dinner menu consisting of only his requests

You get the idea. This costs nothing and yet will be something special and will require love and sacrifice to pull some of them off. I told him these coupons meant he could use them whenever he wanted and I had to "redeem" the coupon immediately. I could not put it off and say I'd do it in 5 minutes or whenever convenient. They had to be performed when he desired it. I think he really enjoyed it. I might even do it again this year, despite the fact that we're not as financially tight as we have been in previous years...:)

Guy Time

I really don't hang out with many woman my age and in the same situation as I am in (married with children) so I don't know if this is something you guys may all roll your eyes at and think, "duh", but here goes...

Guys really need and enjoy "guy time" with other guys...at times. Seth and I almost always prefer to be with each other - alone. But, there are times it is fun for him to go off and watch a movie with some guys, or visit, or have them over for gaming, or what not. It's fun for him. If I gave him a guilt trip every time he left to spend some time with a friend and I was "left" to eat dinner with the kids and put them to bed and clean up all by my lonesome...sniff, sniff...I think he'd be miserable and secretly be thankful to get a break from his "contentious" wife.

It's important to treasure the time spent with your husband, but also be happy for him to be having a good time without you. (Gasp! is it possible?) Because of our situation, I need to be home with the kids and keeping house. Seth's an adventurer. An explorer. An energetic man. Staying home all the time and helping put the kids down or clean up dinner isn't always for him. (Though I'd wager he does it more than most guys and thoroughly enjoys it when it is done voluntarily.)

So, when he gets an itch to get out and do something, my response should be an enthusiastic smile and helpful hand pushing him out the door, or at least eeping the kids from going out the door with him. :) I shouldn't be selfish and feel sorry for myself, but be happy for him. That is what love is, isn't it? Besides, he always is happy for me to have opportunities to do activities and he offers to watch the kids when he can.

And if he wants to have some guys over, my job and joy should be to serve them and make it as fun and uninterrupted as possible. Make snacks, have the children behave, clean up, serve, and if Seth wants, be there with him and enjoy the fellowship and good times with "his" friends.

Ok, I'm done. :)

A Break

I know I haven't posted recently. I guess with holidays and all I've been preoccupied. Now we've taken a spur-of-the-moment trip to New Bern where there is no connection except with this iPhone. So, I will be back to posting probably the beginning of next week. For now I feel like I need to go back and review some of my earlier posts because I've felt like a failure as a wife recently! Praise God His mercies are new every morning! Great is His faithfulness!

Proper Perspective on Housekeeping

I actually "overheard" this comment made by Susi Forshey on Hosanna's blog. I thought it was so insightful and could be very encouraging to those reading this. Seems we all struggle at times with balancing housework, relationships. Anyway, here is what she said:

"See, I think this is just part of what every wife goes through after marriage. Priority-shifting. The home, the meals, the chores, the errands, the husband, the friends, the church. Which comes first? (and add to that renovations, for you!) I wish I had some pat advice to help you get it all together, but the truth is, God does have a slightly different version of this list for every woman. The main thing that I learned after cycling fruitlessly around with these priorities is: Begin your day with a humble confession of inadequacy before the Lord, give over all your tasks to Him, and ask for the earthly things not to take hold of your life, but to be consumed, still, even in the midst of it all, by the Holy Spirit. He will not fail you. He will meet you during the day, and inject order into your busy life. He has never failed me in this."

Can't add anything else to that. It's so true! Thanks Susi. :)

Talkin 'Bout My Man

I'm trying to think of some applicable posts during the holiday season. I thought since most of us will be around lots of family and friends, many of whom might not be saved, this might be a good one.

My mother used to share with us how when she was a young married woman attending special occasions and events all the ladies of the family (or friends, too) would get together and start bad-mouthing their husbands. I don't think it was planned, it was just a natural thing to do. Start complaining. My mother said she noticed this and wouldn't join in. In fact she would start telling all the good things about her husband. I think some of those ladies actually thought something was wrong with her, but she was being a witness and standing by her man.

I've noticed it is so true that when women get together they begin to talk about their problems, usually involving their husbands. I really don't think it is in their hearts to put their man down. A lot of times it is a casual comment dropped here and there or a laughing remark about how their husband does this or won't do that. It's not malicious, just "sharing". But that kind of sharing can lead to a downward spiral of negative comments and feelings towards your husband. If done with a complaining or discontented heart it doesn't edify and actually is disrespectful to him. I can tend to do this when I am around other women. I'm not trying to down my husband, but in trying to commiserate with these women ("My husband never changes the baby's diaper." "Yeah, Seth doesn't like to do that either. He's probably done it less than blah blah times.")I find myself falling into the trap of complaining.

I guess there is a balance, though. A balance between being real and realistic as opposed to sharing character flaws and degrading your man. I think in our heart we know whether we are just making a comment or saying something to get sympathy or to complain. And I do believe there are times women can share struggles they are going through concerning their husband with a godly friend or mentor. But like I mention before it is what is in the heart. Are you trying to share something to entice pity for you and indignation towards your husband or are you truly seeking helpful advice or godly comfort?

So, when family and friends get together and begin to "share", be on guard for those attitudes. Maybe it'd be better to share the positive things about your husband that you appreciate. Harmless comments here and there are all very well, but watch out for the unnecessary comments that don't serve to do any good and leave others with a worse opinion of your husband than before.

Romantic Atmosphere

Burning a scented candle and playing some peaceful music before your husband comes home will really help set the atmosphere for a stress-free evening. Imagine him coming home and feeling the warmth of a fire or woodstove, smelling the aroma of homemade dinner and spiced candles, sensing of peace as the children (hopefully) are playing quietly while music is streaming through the house and seeing you looking fresh and greeting him with a happy smile and loving kiss. That really infuses all the 5 senses, doesn't it? Wouldn't that just bless the man? Many of you are probably far better than I at keeping a peaceful and romantic atmosphere and remembering the little things like candles and music. It is something I am inspired to do more regularly when the evenings get darker earlier and the cold weather begins to set in. I just want to make it a cozy little place for my husband to feel welcomed and at peace.

It can't always be like that. Sometimes Seth comes home to fussing children, a disheveled wife in dirty exercise clothes, dinner unmade and toys strewn every which way. In those circumstances I still try to be sensitive to not greet him with a list of complaints and things that need to get done or fixed. (Which is rare because he is always on top of things that need fixing.) Rather I might put on a smile or simply laugh at the commotion and greet him with a kiss that says, "I'm sorry it's like this, but I'm glad you're home."

Still, I need to make an effort to stay on top of things and try to make his home a place he feels he can enjoy and rest. Little things like a cup of warm tea or a prepared bath waiting for him tell him I'm thinking of him and love him. It takes planning and a little more work, but I love to bless him!

Completing the Circle

There are times when one of us is cranky, stressed, sick, angry, selfish or just plain mean. It can be with or without a cause. But when the other one steps in and shows love instead of hurt feelings or retaliation Seth and I refer to is as completing the circle. The circle of love. When I am angry and snap disrespectfully at him and he just gives me a hug or takes the children on a walk, he has completed the circle. When he is stressed out and I've already got a mile high list of things to do and I drop it all to help him, that is completing the circle. When he says something inconsiderate and I brush it off understandingly and turn around and say something loving to him, I have completed the circle. It is a never ending relationship of give and take, but it is never balanced. We don't keep a mental score of who showed the other one kindness and who did this for the other person so now it is our turn to receive.

We all do this on a daily basis in order to keep our marriages healthy and strong. But we need to note that we all go through seasons and at one point you may feel like you are always giving and at other times you may feel like you are always receiving. It is much easier to get offended and shove the glass of water in his face after he hurt your feelings or didn't help with this or that, to be cold and aloof after he didn't say something about your new dress or ignored your overtures. So, we need to check our emotions and curb out desire to lash out carnally. Instead our response should always be love, love and more love. Patients when he's stressed, kindness when he's upset, encouragement when he is depressed, etc. And what is even harder is making sure our actions are done out of love and not obligation because it is "the right thing to do". He can sense if your heart is in it, if your still harboring hurt feelings.

As I write this I have totally failed in this area already today.1 I was hurt, deeply hurt about something. I was cold and mean. Guess what Seth did? He brought me back flowers and multiple gifts. Not to appease my anger, but to complete the circle and show his love for me. Maybe next time I can be the one completing the circle... By God's grace.

Created to Be His Help Meet

Do yourself and your marriage a favor and buy the book "Created to Be His Help Meet" by Debbi Pearl. It is a wonderful book on setting us married women straight on a lot of issues concerning marriage. I don't agree with everything in the book, but there is so much good in it that I don't think one should throw the baby out with the bath water. I know some of their material is controversial, but a lot of what they teach is also very Biblically sound. If you own the book, it doesn't hurt to go over it again. It is one of the few books I consider necessary to reread every now and again for myself. Try to take to heart her advice, especially the ones that sting from truth! :)

Being Less Than Perfect

This post was contributed by Denise Wilson:

"I'm full of grand ideas, but no follow-through!"


This is what I feel about myself. That especially when it comes to seeing people in need, I get wonderful ideas. And then, they are so grandiose, I do not follow-through.


For example, I have a real-life friend in a time of need with a deployed spouse and an entirely sick house. I want to bring a meal. But my idea of a meal is something like a homemade chicken pot pie with a salad, a vegetable, and dessert. All this takes time to fix. Lots. I'm struggling with even getting good, normal meals on time for us!!! What to do??? My perfectionism won't allow me to whip up something quick but not tasty, or compromise with just a main dish, and I'm out of half the ingredients I'd need for anything.... So I do nothing.


Shame on me. That was pride stopping me.


So guess what? I swallowed my pride and ordered take-out for them from a nearby restaurant.


Next time, I may just order the next family pizza. What I learned was that sometimes we need to get over our ideas of perfectionism and just do what the Holy Spirit is setting on our hearts. (Another idea is to just double what you're serving your family that night, and take that over.)

Handicap Helper

I was in the store the other day and noticed an elderly lady in front of me in one of those motorized chairs. She looked like she wanted something from a shelf that was higher than she could reach. Uncharacteristically of me (Wow! I just realized how long of a word that is! Isn't it like 20 letters? Gracious!) *ahem* Anyways, as I was saying, I offered my assistance to her. She actually was just trying to decide on what she wanted and didn't need my help.

But this scenario got me thinking. I wonder why I am so shy to help those around me, especially the needy ones. We've grown up in a society where anything that is not "normal" should not be made an issue for fear of hurting someone's feelings. I guess that has paralyzed me in many respects in offering my help to those who are handicapped. I'm afraid they will be insulted that I offered or even insinuated that they were not capable of doing things themselves, when the truth is - they can't!

I've actually noticed that most handicapped people really appreciate a helping hand and don't seem to have any qualms about asking for assistance when they need it. So what is this ridiculous feeling of being embarrassed to help out? I don't know, but I've just realized I need to get over it if I am going to be a witness and show love to my "neighbor". Also, it made me think I am being an example to my children. If I am awkward and/or callous to those around me who need my help, I am sending a message about those types of people to my children. And since I was just talking to the girls about the Good Samaratine (sp?) I figured I better start now. After all, more is caught than taught!

Baked Goods

Next time you're baking bread or cookies or something special like that, double the batch and give the extra to someone who has been on your mind lately. (Maybe me? JK!)

Jealousy - What to do? What to do?

I never knew I had such an evil side to me before I fell in love. I was a very mild-tempered person, but once I was in love, suddenly Jealousy enter the picture too. It didn't matter the situation or the person, if I thought (or imagined) even remotely that my husband found a certain girl attractive, I changed into Mr. Hyde. To this day if I see an attractive girl eying him or I think he noticed that "slutty" girl over yonder, I want to go rip her hair out and gouge her eyes out. Or at least I want to pick her apart by magnifying every single defect that she has - real or not. It's bad, I know! One might think that I must not be secure in my husband's love and attraction towards me. I must clarify that Seth is an extremely passionate and loving man. He lavishes love on me and is constantly reaffirming how attractive I am in his eyes. Perhaps I have a low self-esteem after the body changes I've gone through with three children. (Ya think?!) Whatever the case, I think many women feel what I feel to some extent at different times, albeit not always with quite as much vehemence as I express.

Ok, so what am I supposed to do in this type of situation? Well, the default attitude of being sarcastic; sulking; giving him the cold, silent treatment; pointing out every single defect in the other girl or being offended is not quite the right approach. I think it wearies my husband and (not doubt) actually works to my disadvantage for my husband to see me in such a carnal and weak state.

(Again, let me interject by telling you that my husband is the most moral man I know - seriously. And he holds the highest standard for himself regarding lust...but he is still a man. And he is also *cursed* (so I think :) with being THE most observant man on the planet! I wonder if anything escapes his notice.)

I've slowly come to realize that the best way to fight fire is with fire. Meaning, if there is an attractive girl around, I must fight to make myself more attractive for him. I'm not saying that I should feel like I am in competition to gain my husband's favor. Obviously, it isn't a game and our husbands should (and hopefully do) have eyes only for us. However, it IS a game to Satan, and I don't want to make it more difficult for my husband; I want to make it easy for him to love me and find me attractive. I want him to not have to TRY to focus on me in the midst of dozens of scantily-clad, perfectly fit women; I want it to be easy and desirable. Turning his eyes from one of those types of girls onto a discontent, scowling wife who gives him the cold shoulder would not be very inviting. Of course, a loving and passionate relationship with your husband is the first place to start. But here is a tip next time you're faced with Jealousy: smile your sweetest, most seductive smile; give him a hot kiss and walk off with your hips swaying (very deliberately) and your head held high from confidence. That "hussy" will be LONG forgotten.

So simple in theory, but extremely difficult to do in the moment (for me). Yet I know that my husband tells me those are the times that help him the most. When there are pop-ups of women in lingerie, billboards of tan beauties in bikinis, or scores of hot girls walking around, I am learning to take action by grabbing my husband's attention with my joyful countenance and shameless flirting towards him. I want to make him want me only.

And on a spiritual note, it makes me relate a little easier to the Lord and how He feels jealous over us when our affections and attentions aren't on Him. He says He is a jealous God. It is frightening to think how strongly He feels when I am not loving Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.

Note: I am mostly referring to our attitudes when I talk about "competing" for our husband's attention. I don't need to address clothing because obviously I have no say in the matter and it should be entirely up to the couple to decide what the wife should wear, so I am really addressing attitudes and actions.

Ok, this is already waaay too long. Bye bye!

Convenient Inconvenience

Seth injured his ankle the other day. He needed to be able to rest and not walk around on it a lot. For him, if he is at home he can't NOT help. No matter the circumstance, he will try to fix this, hold the baby, clean that, etc. So, in order to really help him rest, I actually had to leave. Yup. I took the children out for the day. This wasn't an easy task because I'm used to Seth coming with me and helping with the children. However, I knew this would be the best way I could serve my husband and let him rest. I knew that he would never ask us to leave, but it really was something he appreciated and needed.

I guess I'm saying all this to say that when things are going tough for your husband, try to be sensitive to his needs and be willing to make sacrifices that you know he would appreciate. You know what he would really like or what would bless him the most even if it might throw a monkey wrench into your plans.

The Ultimate Discipline?

I was talking with a mother recently about child training. I was sharing with her some of the struggles we've had to deal with concerning our eldest. I mentioned that spankings weren't the worst kind of discipline for her and we had to try alternatives, too. She looked at me a little confused and asked, "What discipline could be worse than spanking?" I know that among Christians, spanking is often considered the ultimate discipline. However, I think it is important that we be discerning towards our children and what really affects them most. For Katrina she would not always respond to a spanking (and believe me it wasn't because I was a weakling or softy either!). I realized for her that separation from me or taking away a special toy or blanket was much more effective at times. Not always, but at times when I couldn't seem to break through with her. Once I had spent a lot of time dealing with her with prayer and the conventional form of disciplines. Finally after there had been no sense of remorse or contrition I told her she must stay in the room until she was ready to apologize and obey me completely. Simple and yet very effective. I would consider this a much milder form of discipline for most kids, but I realized that for her this was worse! She didn't last 5 minutes and broke down in a pitiful (and genuine), "I'm sorry, Mommy." It broke my heart that we had to go through all that, but we had a very special bonding time afterward.

So, as mothers we need to know what is most effective at causing our children to quickly break their will and obey us. Obviously spanking is generally the most effective course in most instances, but you may have an unusual child on your hands who will respond better with other types, too. It is so important that we know each of our children individually and have close relationships with them.

I'm happy to say that the lady I was sharing this with went home and tried a different approach with her daughter and noticed positive results! :) God's given us many, many avenues to use to train our children so let us not be one-tracked about the forms of discipline we use.

Stress

This isn't a helpful tip post. This is a cry for help! I wonder if any of you readers can give me some advice. How do you guys handle stress? I can handle many, many stressful situations, but the one that always seems to get me is pressure to get ready and be somewhere at a certain time. No matter how much time I allot for getting myself and the children ready, I always find myself snapping at the children, ordering them to quickly do this or that, being fussy with my husband, losing my temper, speaking harshly to everyone and generally being a horror. (Or as my mother might say, "witch":) I'm always trying to fight two major thoughts: #1. I don't want to continue to be stereotyped as tardy because it is a "Graydon" thing. #2. I don't want to ask for help because Seth might think I am not capable. Now, if you know Seth, you know he is always helping whether I ask for it or not, but I certainly don't make my appreciation know in the heat of everything.

So after all is said and done and we're on our way, whether late or early or on time, I say my apologies and dole out my appreciation for everyone, but I always feel like I've failed and haven't handle the situation in a Christ-like manner. If any of you have tips for me, please comment. I certainly know about planning, being prepared ahead of time, doing things the previous day, etc, but I always seem to be rushing out the door with diapers flying and children fussing from mommy being mean. :( I hate it and I want some practical advice not so much on how to avoid the stress (although that'd be nice too) but how to handle the stress in a loving and patient way.

Thanks for your help!

Special Times

This is a post that Denise has contributed. She has graciously agreed to help add her own tips and advice to this blog from her experience and wisdom. Thanks so much, Denise, this is a great idea!

Here is an idea.... Our children need one-on-one time with each parent. They need the attention and time for love and communication that comes from doing this.

A great way to do this is to plan a "date" (or as we called them in my family, "special time") between your child and you (or your husband). Go somewhere. It can be a park to feed the ducks (go buy a loaf of white bread and let the child pick out a little "treat", and your date is less than $2). It can be a visit to a doughnut shop on Saturday/Sunday morning. It could be a little hike in some woods nearby, with a pop-up tent at the end for playing in. It could be going to see the fish in the tank at Bass Pro Shops. The possibilities are endless, but I say keep it very simple so that spending time is what counts, and you don't have to stress about what/where, since that's not the point.

My parents did a great job making sure each one of us got this both parents. Mom would take us out to lunch or coffee (as we got older) or just to the grocery. Dad actually took us on trips that were a few days long once we reached 6 years old or so. But even prior to that, he cared about it so much, he's been known to take his (still in diapers) son to grad school class with him! Apparently riding a train to class was amazing fun for a ~2 year old! I'm using this as an example to say, it doesn't even have to be an event, as much as it's just taking your child with you for the purpose of getting time with them. When Mom made an effort to take only one of us to the grocery, she made sure to ask us what kind of cereal we wanted. It was a small way to "treat" us without actually deviating from the grocery list or making any siblings jealous (since it was everyone's cereal). I've got friends who use Sunday morning before church as their "Special Time with Daddy." One of the three girls gets a doughnut date with Daddy for an hour before church. Now, this requires sacrifice on the mom's part, because she has to show up early for church to sing, thus getting everyone ready that much earlier. But she does it, because it's important to "Daddy." Find out if there's something you can do, if your husband wants to carve out times like these. Or wing it. Whatever works.

Just know that children will remember this for a lifetime. I still do. 

"My, what big biceps you have!"

Next time you are sitting next to your husband or driving in the car with him, reach over and squeeze his bicep and remark how strong he is and how attractive that is to you. He'll LOVE it! (And then watch him flex just to "show off" in front of you - men!) I don't know any man who doesn't want to be appreciated for being strong. You'll definitely inflate his ego, but he needs it from you. :)

Good morning, Sunshine!

This post is inspired by Dana's recent entry on her blog. Thanks Dana!

Whether you're a morning person or not, be sure to greet your husband and children warmly in the mornings. You don't have to be super cheerful (that'd probably be annoying to some) but a smile followed by a plesant greeting and a sweet kiss can set the day off right for everybody. (uh, after your teeth are brushed :)

I used to greet my oldest daughter sweetly in the morning, but when my second daughter came along my firstborn (ever the earlybird) would rise waay too early and come wake me up happy and LOUD. I found myself replying with a grumpy, "Shhh, don't wake Shiona!" Poor little sunshine! Seth pointed it out to me one morning and after that I made an effort to smile and quietly tell her good morning and be quite! We actually established a little tradition of quietly readng together in the mornings before anyone else was up. I look back at those times snuggling on the couch and reading short stories or Bible lessons with special fondness!

Promises, promises

This past week I found myself doing the, "mommy will do that later" thing with my children. They were constantly asking me to fix this or find that at inconvenient times like while I was nursing Michael or doing dishes. By the end of the week I had accumulated quite a few unfulfilled promises. It came together when I realized Shiona hadn't been playing with her favorite dolly for several days because I hadn't found and replaced the dolly's arm. (I kid you not.) I saw that the past week had been filled with times I had not kept my word to them. And to be painfully honest, some of those promises I made were just said to make them stop nagging me and I secretly hoped they'd forget! What am I teaching my kids by my actions? Oh, so many wrong things - like Mommy can't be counted on to remember or keep her word and that their little wants and needs aren't improtant to me. How this brings tears to my eyes! Our word should be as good as if we swore an oath. Our yes should be yes and our no, no. I went and spent the other evening trying to fulfill all the past promises of fixing arms, playing Candy Land and sewing up holes for my little treasures. I want them to remember their mommy as one who took their little troubles and problems to heart and showed love through my actions. :)

"...when I was sick you visited me..."

The other day I found out that my neighbor was sick with the flu. My initial thought was that I'd better steer clear of her and those around her till she gets better and certainly keep my children far away! A few days later I was explaining to Shiona that we show we love Jesus by dong his commands like loving one another. I was suddenly stricken in my conscience. My immediate reaction to someone in need was to be selfish! And what little faith I was displaying! If I got sick, so be it, but couldn't God protect me too? So the next day I got her a gift and the girls helped me make a batch of cookies for her. However. When I called to find out how she was doing she was
feelng much better. Opportunity lost because my initial reaction was to respond to my fears instead of showing love. :( Now, not to be cruel, but I am awaiting the next individual to get sick so I can sieze the oppotunity I'd missed. I understand mothers wanting to protect their children from contagious diseases and sicknesses but there are other ways to minister like sending cards and praying too!

His Home is His Castle

In case you didn't read the comments left on the previous post entitled "Pet Peeves" I wanted to use Lisi's comment (Herb of Grace) to remind us how our husbands should feel when they are home. She writes,

"I totally agree! If women all over the world could just do this ONE THING, I bet we'd see a marked drop in the divorce rate. Seriously. I can't imagine anything worse as a man than to spend the whole day working in an environment where he is respected and in authority and then come home to relax and rest in the bosom of his family and be met by a nagging wife. That's NOT the kind of comparisons I want my husband to be making..."

I think that pretty much sums it up right there. One of the keys to a man feeling loved is by being treated with reverence and respect. I've heard a lot of stories where a man will leave his wife for another woman and it isn't about looks at all - it's about the way the other woman treated him! Scary, but true. Let's keep the heart of our husbands by showing him honor and respect and making him feel like he is the king of his home and of our hearts!

You like it? It was only $....

I know things are tight for many people right now. It is hard to think of spending extra money on unnecessary items, but could you spare $10 to surprise and delight your husband? It is so fun (and appreciated) to find a little something new for your special "wardrobe" for him. It doesn't have to be from Victoria's Secret. Even the clearance section in Walmart has some fun things just to add something new to your collection. It may not be the sexiest thing you've ever gotten, but your husband will appreciate that you were thinking about him and that you only spent a few dollars on it! It is so important to keep things exciting, new and fresh.

Pet Peeves

All right, let's admit it. As wonderful and great as our husbands are, there are probably a few things that bother us, too. We aren't perfect and the things that probably annoy us aren't moral issues or matters of conviction, but rather irritating or thoughtless actions by others. The ones that can really get on our nerves are those things done frequently by those who are closest to us. So, here is my proposition: pick one pet peeve that your husband does and make it your goal to get over it and decide to live with it and don't let it irritate you anymore. Your marriage will be that much sweeter and life a little happier if we can knock off some of these silly things that can disrupt our peace and unity. Try not to mention the issue to you husband again, don't roll your eyes when it happens and (we all know this) NEVER nag! Smile and get over it!

Yes, yes, easier said than done. Let me give you an example from my sister. (By your leave, Denise and Jonathan. :) Her husband will come in from his hunting or what not, forget to take his boots off and sometimes leave tracks in their carpet. Now, we all might get irritated at this, but she had a better perspective. Her husband gets deployed for months at a time and also he is sent on smaller assignments where he can be gone for weeks. She told me she decided she was just glad he was home to make the tracks in the carpet! Imagine his surprise (if he noticed) of seeing his wife cheerfully cleaning up the mess he accidentally made and not being "reprimanded".

Another case in point: something that bothered me was when my husband would leave his socks inside out and I'd have to turn them the right way to wash them. As much as I adore my husband, I didn't relish the idea of sticking my hand in his work-worn socks every time I did laundry. Now, I mentioned it to him a couple times and he tried to remember to turn them right-side out. It was a sweet gesture, but after a day of his kind of work he would be exhausted and forget. I realized I didn't want to add any more "burdens" to his day. I wanted him to come home and feel like he could relax and not be treated like another child or even an "equal" member of the house. After all he worked to put food on the table, so to speak, the least I could do was turn his socks right-side out! I learned to do it and do it with a smile because I was grateful for the hard work that went behind the dirty, inside-out socks!

Thunder Cookies

Every spring/summer when those wonderfully exciting thunder storms come around I get an urge to bake cookie! Well, I decided to incorporate this into my children's lives. Ever since Katrina was little, when a thunder storm came rolling by we'd don our aprons and bake cookie (and Seth was the grateful recipient! :). This was something fun to do, but in all honesty I really wanted to train my children to not be scared of thunder! When the wall-shaking claps of booming thunder were heard, I'd smile and clap my hands saying excitedly that we should make cookies. I don't know if my children would be like this anyway or if I successfully conditioned them to not be frightened of thunder, but it has never bothered them - not even when it was time to go to sleep and a storm was raging outside.

Bragging Rights

I don't think we realize how much it can bless someone if they hear us bragging about them to others. I try to always recount to Seth the accomplishments and good deeds done by the children when they are listening or at least within ear shot. Also, even though Seth gets embarrassed, I think it means a lot to him when I brag about him to others, especially since one of his love languages is words of affirmation. It also can set their mind at ease and know we are not going behind their backs and complaining about their faults and disclosing their failures, but rather reverencing our husbands and extolling their good points. So, I guess my tip for the day is to try to brag on your husband and children to others while they can hear it!

Running His Errands

Whenever Seth is in town he always calls me several times to see if I need anything. I know that this really isn't about trying to save a trip to town (honestly, he doesn't mind running in to town frequently - he'll be in twice a day sometimes!) it is about him thinking about me and trying to make things easy on me. I caught on to this recently and began trying to reciprocate. It is a way to tell him I am thinking about him and trying to help and serve in a practical way. Most of you probably are much more organized and structured than I am. I'm very scatterbrained and despite my dedication to lists I will usually come back from a 6 hour shopping day in town and realize I forgot this or that. Thinking of my husband and asking if he needs anything before I leave and even again while I'm in town is a service indeed because with three children I can't easily run into the post office or bank - it is always a big deal to go anywhere! My dear husband is aware of this and tries to minimize this with his consideration of my needs. Its practical love that gives and receives.

Fresh Perspective

Because I am around the children the majority of the time I naturally feel like I often have a better understanding of a situation with them. I feel like I've been dealing with a specific issue with one of our kids for a while and if Seth comes in and begins to give me advice on how to deal with something, I don't always agree with his approach. However, I've found that his perspective has the benefit of not having been put through the emotional ringer all day, plus he is the only other person who understands my children like I do. So, even though some of his advice I might not initially think would work, I've found almost always does! I've learned to not even take Seth's suggestions lightly, because he is usually right!

Message

Next time you call your husband and get his voice message, leave him a very suggestive message. He'll call back in a jiffy. :)

Humility in Correction

Any sibling reading this can attest to the fact that I am not very good at taking correction. Once correction begins, I am on the opposite side beginning my (very logical) defense. Humility barely peeps it's head, if it makes an entrance at all. Now, I don't come out with a disrespectful tone or look all the time, but my heart is unreceptive because I am too busy making a defense for myself. My husband just noted that yesterday, and we traced my oldest daughter's difficulty in receiving rebukes to my example. This was very sad for me. I realized I am always unconsciously setting the example for my children and this is definitely one area that needs fixin! I ask my husband to please help me as I try to receive with humility things that need changing in my life. So, step one has been taken and thus begins the fight for meekness and humility to grow in my life and let die my foolish pride. Thoughts, tips, prayers...and accountability are welcome.

The Heart of Her Husband

Proverbs 31 talks of the virtuous woman. It says the heart of her husband trusts in her. I've always loved that passage, even before I was married. However, after 6 years of marriage, I still don't think my husband can always trust in me. Not like I share secrets or spend his hard-earned money thoughtlessly, but I am extremely forgetful. Also, I am the queen of procrastination. These two character flaws can create a very unreliable wife! My husband is always patient and kind with me, but I cannot always be trusted to get things done. If I don't put his requests first and make his priorities my priorities, things don't get done and he has to check up on me. I want so badly to come to the place where I can say confidently the heart of my husband does trust in me. It is something I have always worked on and will continue to tackle.

Goodies

Buy a bag of one of your husband's favorite candies, but don't give him the whole bag. Keep it and lay some around here or there at different times. Put some on his pillow, leave some in his work vehicle, place some in his pocket, etc. Use it to tell him you were thinking about him. :)

Cashier Kindness

When I was younger and would accompany my mother to the grocery store, my mother would occasionally bless the cashier by buying her a little treat from the checkout selection. This act usually blessed the woman very much and I always thought it was a small witness. So, I thought next time I'm out I would try that. I was thinking I would do it if I noticed the person were efficient, cheerful or a good bagger. Then I thought maybe I should do it to someone who seemed to be having a bad day. Then I realized I should do it no matter what - just to bless them. I don't think it will matter if the person is on a diet, or allergic to nuts or has an aversion to caramel. It is the act. So, I want to try that next time I go shopping! :) (Having said all that, I don't know if stores are really strict now and won't allow their employees to accept things from their customers. It'd seem weird, but you never know now 'a days!)

Let's Make a Date!

My sister and I were chatting the other day and she shared with me her desire to surprise her husband with an unexpected date. This would be a big deal for her since she has an itty-bitty one and has yet to find a babysitter. I thought this was love in action! To take the giant step of finding a qualified babysitter and surprise your husband with a romantic date would be a big deal. Why don't we all try to do that! Let's plan a time, set up a babysitter and when our husband comes back from work, surprise him. Be dressed up, have things prepared, maybe even lay out his outfit for the evening out! Make reservations, or just wing it, but make it fun!

The Need to be Needed

Yesterday, my husband came up and hugged me and told me how much he needed me. I was so blessed by that! It was so sincere and heart-felt! I never consciously thought how nice it would be for him to tell me that, but it was so special. I didn't realize how important it was for me to know that.

I often will roll my eyes when I've made a stupid mistake that Seth will catch and then remark how much I need him. But when he genuinely told me that yesterday, I was struck with how important it is that each spouse hears and feels this and how little I've sincerely said it to Seth. I think it is especially important to hear if the other spouse is very capable and independent. Sometimes I think Seth could manage just fine without me and probably do a better job in many respects! So, it's nice to hear it... just a thought!

Help

I am so electronically challenged. How in the world do I change that post "Love Languages"? It is in different colors! And I think I deleted the comment!

In the Mood

As you prepare in the evening for your husband after the children are down, try to not overlook your emotions. As you wash off and freshen up, give all those burdens up. Give those things that are worrying you to God, forgive that insensitive comment made by a loved one, forget about the burnt dinner or fussy children and don't think twice about your flabby thighs or "pouchy" stomach. Wash all those thoughts from your mind and replace them with grateful, joyful ones towards the Lord and romantic, loving ones towards your husband. You can't fake sexy; you will only be it if you feel it. The evening will go much better and your husband will be blessed with a happy, receptive wife.

Edifying with Scripture

When we were growing up, my mother constantly encouraged and corrected us using scripture. Every negative action was reproved and an applicable scripture was given to back it up. Simple scriptures such as, "do unto others as you would have them do unto you", "love one another", "whatsoever you do, do it with all your heart as unto the Lord" and many, many more Words were constantly flowing from my mother's mouth. It was so effective because, you may feel like arguing with your mother, but who can argue with God? Plus, we unconsciously memorized these and began to apply them without being reminded!

It was such a normal thing in our house that I have been shocked at how many Christian parents don't do this with their children. It seems so obvious! That being said, I am surprised I don't do it enough. I find myself correcting and not giving a scriptural application. Sometimes I have to look up a scripture that will work because I may not have it memorized myself. Sometimes I can't even think of a scripture that might fit, but then I pray and am led to one! We try to memorize them together and then I try to remind the children of it whenever the need arises again.

So, recently I have been thinking that I need to get back into the habit of applying scripture to my children's lives. I hope this helps other mothers. I think it also plants a seed for the child to eventually see the "law of God" and realize he can't keep it and then realize his need for a Savior in the future. The Word does say the law is our schoolmaster.

"For the Word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of the soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart." Heb. 4:12

Love Languages

Sorry - this post got published from my iPhone and somehow was dated the 10th

Love Languages

I think most of us are aware of the five ways we express and receive love. (giving gifts, words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service and quality time) And we probably have already figured out what ways mean the most to us and our husbands and try to apply them.

However, I've noticed that as my children grow and their personalities begin to emerge that they have distinct ideas of love as well. Katrina loves to touch and be touched, needs words of affirmation and thrives on quality time. Shiona seems to be more enigmatic. She seems to be very selective about who, how and when she touches or receives touch, doesn't seem to care for quality time as much and doesn't seem too concerned with words of either praise or correction. She does enjoy and get excited with gifts, but I wouldn't call that her main way of receiving love. She is a puzzler! However, my goal is to know each child individually and understand what makes them feel loved so I have each of my child's hearts. Michael, of course, right now needs much physical touch, quality time and words of affirmation, but I am trying to figure out, even now, what he craves more than the others.

I know usually we need a combination of languages to feel loved and that our ways of expressing and needing aren't always the same for each individual. (Seth loves giving gifts, but could care less if he received any at all!) Anyway, I think we need to be observing and trying to figure out our children's love languages in order to better show our love to them and understand their way of giving.

Husband first

Having babies can put a temporary hold on who gets your primary attention - especially when they are newborns. However, as babies grow and become less needy I've found I continue to place their needs and wants ahead of my husband's, even when it is no longer necessary. I am trying to reprogram my mindset to realize the children can wait and I need to place my husband's needs and wants as foremost in my service to my family.

Lunch Surprise!

Do you pack your husband's lunch sometimes/often? Add an exciting, romantic note for him to find while he's munching. It's a lot of fun to send Seth off to work with a kiss and a twinkle my eye knowing there is something even more special for him to find later on!

Giving the Children Room to Choose

I can be very vain and concerned with other people's opinions of myself - especially concerning my children. As my children get older and begin to enjoy more independence they like to choose their own clothing. Sometimes the choices don't match or look shabby. However, depending on the circumstance I will swallow my pride and allow them to trapes around in their little outfits despite them looking not-so-cute. I know especially at Katrina's age she loves being allowed freedoms like that and now she comes to me for advice if things match (sometimes.) :)

Eye Contact

Eye contact is so important for both parties. It tells the one talking that they are important to the hearer and it makes the one giving eye contact concentrate and really listen to the one sharing. Next time your child or husband interrupt you from reading, cooking, watching tv, surfing the web, etc, turn and give them your full, undivided attention and make sure to make eye contact and have a pleasant smile on your face. Don't settle for a half-listening ear or preoccupied, curt response from yourself. You don't appreciate it when it is done to you. Eye contact will tell them more than words that they are more important than what you are doing.