Created to Be His Help Meet

Do yourself and your marriage a favor and buy the book "Created to Be His Help Meet" by Debbi Pearl. It is a wonderful book on setting us married women straight on a lot of issues concerning marriage. I don't agree with everything in the book, but there is so much good in it that I don't think one should throw the baby out with the bath water. I know some of their material is controversial, but a lot of what they teach is also very Biblically sound. If you own the book, it doesn't hurt to go over it again. It is one of the few books I consider necessary to reread every now and again for myself. Try to take to heart her advice, especially the ones that sting from truth! :)

Being Less Than Perfect

This post was contributed by Denise Wilson:

"I'm full of grand ideas, but no follow-through!"


This is what I feel about myself. That especially when it comes to seeing people in need, I get wonderful ideas. And then, they are so grandiose, I do not follow-through.


For example, I have a real-life friend in a time of need with a deployed spouse and an entirely sick house. I want to bring a meal. But my idea of a meal is something like a homemade chicken pot pie with a salad, a vegetable, and dessert. All this takes time to fix. Lots. I'm struggling with even getting good, normal meals on time for us!!! What to do??? My perfectionism won't allow me to whip up something quick but not tasty, or compromise with just a main dish, and I'm out of half the ingredients I'd need for anything.... So I do nothing.


Shame on me. That was pride stopping me.


So guess what? I swallowed my pride and ordered take-out for them from a nearby restaurant.


Next time, I may just order the next family pizza. What I learned was that sometimes we need to get over our ideas of perfectionism and just do what the Holy Spirit is setting on our hearts. (Another idea is to just double what you're serving your family that night, and take that over.)

Handicap Helper

I was in the store the other day and noticed an elderly lady in front of me in one of those motorized chairs. She looked like she wanted something from a shelf that was higher than she could reach. Uncharacteristically of me (Wow! I just realized how long of a word that is! Isn't it like 20 letters? Gracious!) *ahem* Anyways, as I was saying, I offered my assistance to her. She actually was just trying to decide on what she wanted and didn't need my help.

But this scenario got me thinking. I wonder why I am so shy to help those around me, especially the needy ones. We've grown up in a society where anything that is not "normal" should not be made an issue for fear of hurting someone's feelings. I guess that has paralyzed me in many respects in offering my help to those who are handicapped. I'm afraid they will be insulted that I offered or even insinuated that they were not capable of doing things themselves, when the truth is - they can't!

I've actually noticed that most handicapped people really appreciate a helping hand and don't seem to have any qualms about asking for assistance when they need it. So what is this ridiculous feeling of being embarrassed to help out? I don't know, but I've just realized I need to get over it if I am going to be a witness and show love to my "neighbor". Also, it made me think I am being an example to my children. If I am awkward and/or callous to those around me who need my help, I am sending a message about those types of people to my children. And since I was just talking to the girls about the Good Samaratine (sp?) I figured I better start now. After all, more is caught than taught!

Baked Goods

Next time you're baking bread or cookies or something special like that, double the batch and give the extra to someone who has been on your mind lately. (Maybe me? JK!)

Jealousy - What to do? What to do?

I never knew I had such an evil side to me before I fell in love. I was a very mild-tempered person, but once I was in love, suddenly Jealousy enter the picture too. It didn't matter the situation or the person, if I thought (or imagined) even remotely that my husband found a certain girl attractive, I changed into Mr. Hyde. To this day if I see an attractive girl eying him or I think he noticed that "slutty" girl over yonder, I want to go rip her hair out and gouge her eyes out. Or at least I want to pick her apart by magnifying every single defect that she has - real or not. It's bad, I know! One might think that I must not be secure in my husband's love and attraction towards me. I must clarify that Seth is an extremely passionate and loving man. He lavishes love on me and is constantly reaffirming how attractive I am in his eyes. Perhaps I have a low self-esteem after the body changes I've gone through with three children. (Ya think?!) Whatever the case, I think many women feel what I feel to some extent at different times, albeit not always with quite as much vehemence as I express.

Ok, so what am I supposed to do in this type of situation? Well, the default attitude of being sarcastic; sulking; giving him the cold, silent treatment; pointing out every single defect in the other girl or being offended is not quite the right approach. I think it wearies my husband and (not doubt) actually works to my disadvantage for my husband to see me in such a carnal and weak state.

(Again, let me interject by telling you that my husband is the most moral man I know - seriously. And he holds the highest standard for himself regarding lust...but he is still a man. And he is also *cursed* (so I think :) with being THE most observant man on the planet! I wonder if anything escapes his notice.)

I've slowly come to realize that the best way to fight fire is with fire. Meaning, if there is an attractive girl around, I must fight to make myself more attractive for him. I'm not saying that I should feel like I am in competition to gain my husband's favor. Obviously, it isn't a game and our husbands should (and hopefully do) have eyes only for us. However, it IS a game to Satan, and I don't want to make it more difficult for my husband; I want to make it easy for him to love me and find me attractive. I want him to not have to TRY to focus on me in the midst of dozens of scantily-clad, perfectly fit women; I want it to be easy and desirable. Turning his eyes from one of those types of girls onto a discontent, scowling wife who gives him the cold shoulder would not be very inviting. Of course, a loving and passionate relationship with your husband is the first place to start. But here is a tip next time you're faced with Jealousy: smile your sweetest, most seductive smile; give him a hot kiss and walk off with your hips swaying (very deliberately) and your head held high from confidence. That "hussy" will be LONG forgotten.

So simple in theory, but extremely difficult to do in the moment (for me). Yet I know that my husband tells me those are the times that help him the most. When there are pop-ups of women in lingerie, billboards of tan beauties in bikinis, or scores of hot girls walking around, I am learning to take action by grabbing my husband's attention with my joyful countenance and shameless flirting towards him. I want to make him want me only.

And on a spiritual note, it makes me relate a little easier to the Lord and how He feels jealous over us when our affections and attentions aren't on Him. He says He is a jealous God. It is frightening to think how strongly He feels when I am not loving Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.

Note: I am mostly referring to our attitudes when I talk about "competing" for our husband's attention. I don't need to address clothing because obviously I have no say in the matter and it should be entirely up to the couple to decide what the wife should wear, so I am really addressing attitudes and actions.

Ok, this is already waaay too long. Bye bye!

Convenient Inconvenience

Seth injured his ankle the other day. He needed to be able to rest and not walk around on it a lot. For him, if he is at home he can't NOT help. No matter the circumstance, he will try to fix this, hold the baby, clean that, etc. So, in order to really help him rest, I actually had to leave. Yup. I took the children out for the day. This wasn't an easy task because I'm used to Seth coming with me and helping with the children. However, I knew this would be the best way I could serve my husband and let him rest. I knew that he would never ask us to leave, but it really was something he appreciated and needed.

I guess I'm saying all this to say that when things are going tough for your husband, try to be sensitive to his needs and be willing to make sacrifices that you know he would appreciate. You know what he would really like or what would bless him the most even if it might throw a monkey wrench into your plans.

The Ultimate Discipline?

I was talking with a mother recently about child training. I was sharing with her some of the struggles we've had to deal with concerning our eldest. I mentioned that spankings weren't the worst kind of discipline for her and we had to try alternatives, too. She looked at me a little confused and asked, "What discipline could be worse than spanking?" I know that among Christians, spanking is often considered the ultimate discipline. However, I think it is important that we be discerning towards our children and what really affects them most. For Katrina she would not always respond to a spanking (and believe me it wasn't because I was a weakling or softy either!). I realized for her that separation from me or taking away a special toy or blanket was much more effective at times. Not always, but at times when I couldn't seem to break through with her. Once I had spent a lot of time dealing with her with prayer and the conventional form of disciplines. Finally after there had been no sense of remorse or contrition I told her she must stay in the room until she was ready to apologize and obey me completely. Simple and yet very effective. I would consider this a much milder form of discipline for most kids, but I realized that for her this was worse! She didn't last 5 minutes and broke down in a pitiful (and genuine), "I'm sorry, Mommy." It broke my heart that we had to go through all that, but we had a very special bonding time afterward.

So, as mothers we need to know what is most effective at causing our children to quickly break their will and obey us. Obviously spanking is generally the most effective course in most instances, but you may have an unusual child on your hands who will respond better with other types, too. It is so important that we know each of our children individually and have close relationships with them.

I'm happy to say that the lady I was sharing this with went home and tried a different approach with her daughter and noticed positive results! :) God's given us many, many avenues to use to train our children so let us not be one-tracked about the forms of discipline we use.