Proper Perspective on Housekeeping

I actually "overheard" this comment made by Susi Forshey on Hosanna's blog. I thought it was so insightful and could be very encouraging to those reading this. Seems we all struggle at times with balancing housework, relationships. Anyway, here is what she said:

"See, I think this is just part of what every wife goes through after marriage. Priority-shifting. The home, the meals, the chores, the errands, the husband, the friends, the church. Which comes first? (and add to that renovations, for you!) I wish I had some pat advice to help you get it all together, but the truth is, God does have a slightly different version of this list for every woman. The main thing that I learned after cycling fruitlessly around with these priorities is: Begin your day with a humble confession of inadequacy before the Lord, give over all your tasks to Him, and ask for the earthly things not to take hold of your life, but to be consumed, still, even in the midst of it all, by the Holy Spirit. He will not fail you. He will meet you during the day, and inject order into your busy life. He has never failed me in this."

Can't add anything else to that. It's so true! Thanks Susi. :)

Talkin 'Bout My Man

I'm trying to think of some applicable posts during the holiday season. I thought since most of us will be around lots of family and friends, many of whom might not be saved, this might be a good one.

My mother used to share with us how when she was a young married woman attending special occasions and events all the ladies of the family (or friends, too) would get together and start bad-mouthing their husbands. I don't think it was planned, it was just a natural thing to do. Start complaining. My mother said she noticed this and wouldn't join in. In fact she would start telling all the good things about her husband. I think some of those ladies actually thought something was wrong with her, but she was being a witness and standing by her man.

I've noticed it is so true that when women get together they begin to talk about their problems, usually involving their husbands. I really don't think it is in their hearts to put their man down. A lot of times it is a casual comment dropped here and there or a laughing remark about how their husband does this or won't do that. It's not malicious, just "sharing". But that kind of sharing can lead to a downward spiral of negative comments and feelings towards your husband. If done with a complaining or discontented heart it doesn't edify and actually is disrespectful to him. I can tend to do this when I am around other women. I'm not trying to down my husband, but in trying to commiserate with these women ("My husband never changes the baby's diaper." "Yeah, Seth doesn't like to do that either. He's probably done it less than blah blah times.")I find myself falling into the trap of complaining.

I guess there is a balance, though. A balance between being real and realistic as opposed to sharing character flaws and degrading your man. I think in our heart we know whether we are just making a comment or saying something to get sympathy or to complain. And I do believe there are times women can share struggles they are going through concerning their husband with a godly friend or mentor. But like I mention before it is what is in the heart. Are you trying to share something to entice pity for you and indignation towards your husband or are you truly seeking helpful advice or godly comfort?

So, when family and friends get together and begin to "share", be on guard for those attitudes. Maybe it'd be better to share the positive things about your husband that you appreciate. Harmless comments here and there are all very well, but watch out for the unnecessary comments that don't serve to do any good and leave others with a worse opinion of your husband than before.

Romantic Atmosphere

Burning a scented candle and playing some peaceful music before your husband comes home will really help set the atmosphere for a stress-free evening. Imagine him coming home and feeling the warmth of a fire or woodstove, smelling the aroma of homemade dinner and spiced candles, sensing of peace as the children (hopefully) are playing quietly while music is streaming through the house and seeing you looking fresh and greeting him with a happy smile and loving kiss. That really infuses all the 5 senses, doesn't it? Wouldn't that just bless the man? Many of you are probably far better than I at keeping a peaceful and romantic atmosphere and remembering the little things like candles and music. It is something I am inspired to do more regularly when the evenings get darker earlier and the cold weather begins to set in. I just want to make it a cozy little place for my husband to feel welcomed and at peace.

It can't always be like that. Sometimes Seth comes home to fussing children, a disheveled wife in dirty exercise clothes, dinner unmade and toys strewn every which way. In those circumstances I still try to be sensitive to not greet him with a list of complaints and things that need to get done or fixed. (Which is rare because he is always on top of things that need fixing.) Rather I might put on a smile or simply laugh at the commotion and greet him with a kiss that says, "I'm sorry it's like this, but I'm glad you're home."

Still, I need to make an effort to stay on top of things and try to make his home a place he feels he can enjoy and rest. Little things like a cup of warm tea or a prepared bath waiting for him tell him I'm thinking of him and love him. It takes planning and a little more work, but I love to bless him!

Completing the Circle

There are times when one of us is cranky, stressed, sick, angry, selfish or just plain mean. It can be with or without a cause. But when the other one steps in and shows love instead of hurt feelings or retaliation Seth and I refer to is as completing the circle. The circle of love. When I am angry and snap disrespectfully at him and he just gives me a hug or takes the children on a walk, he has completed the circle. When he is stressed out and I've already got a mile high list of things to do and I drop it all to help him, that is completing the circle. When he says something inconsiderate and I brush it off understandingly and turn around and say something loving to him, I have completed the circle. It is a never ending relationship of give and take, but it is never balanced. We don't keep a mental score of who showed the other one kindness and who did this for the other person so now it is our turn to receive.

We all do this on a daily basis in order to keep our marriages healthy and strong. But we need to note that we all go through seasons and at one point you may feel like you are always giving and at other times you may feel like you are always receiving. It is much easier to get offended and shove the glass of water in his face after he hurt your feelings or didn't help with this or that, to be cold and aloof after he didn't say something about your new dress or ignored your overtures. So, we need to check our emotions and curb out desire to lash out carnally. Instead our response should always be love, love and more love. Patients when he's stressed, kindness when he's upset, encouragement when he is depressed, etc. And what is even harder is making sure our actions are done out of love and not obligation because it is "the right thing to do". He can sense if your heart is in it, if your still harboring hurt feelings.

As I write this I have totally failed in this area already today.1 I was hurt, deeply hurt about something. I was cold and mean. Guess what Seth did? He brought me back flowers and multiple gifts. Not to appease my anger, but to complete the circle and show his love for me. Maybe next time I can be the one completing the circle... By God's grace.

Created to Be His Help Meet

Do yourself and your marriage a favor and buy the book "Created to Be His Help Meet" by Debbi Pearl. It is a wonderful book on setting us married women straight on a lot of issues concerning marriage. I don't agree with everything in the book, but there is so much good in it that I don't think one should throw the baby out with the bath water. I know some of their material is controversial, but a lot of what they teach is also very Biblically sound. If you own the book, it doesn't hurt to go over it again. It is one of the few books I consider necessary to reread every now and again for myself. Try to take to heart her advice, especially the ones that sting from truth! :)

Being Less Than Perfect

This post was contributed by Denise Wilson:

"I'm full of grand ideas, but no follow-through!"


This is what I feel about myself. That especially when it comes to seeing people in need, I get wonderful ideas. And then, they are so grandiose, I do not follow-through.


For example, I have a real-life friend in a time of need with a deployed spouse and an entirely sick house. I want to bring a meal. But my idea of a meal is something like a homemade chicken pot pie with a salad, a vegetable, and dessert. All this takes time to fix. Lots. I'm struggling with even getting good, normal meals on time for us!!! What to do??? My perfectionism won't allow me to whip up something quick but not tasty, or compromise with just a main dish, and I'm out of half the ingredients I'd need for anything.... So I do nothing.


Shame on me. That was pride stopping me.


So guess what? I swallowed my pride and ordered take-out for them from a nearby restaurant.


Next time, I may just order the next family pizza. What I learned was that sometimes we need to get over our ideas of perfectionism and just do what the Holy Spirit is setting on our hearts. (Another idea is to just double what you're serving your family that night, and take that over.)

Handicap Helper

I was in the store the other day and noticed an elderly lady in front of me in one of those motorized chairs. She looked like she wanted something from a shelf that was higher than she could reach. Uncharacteristically of me (Wow! I just realized how long of a word that is! Isn't it like 20 letters? Gracious!) *ahem* Anyways, as I was saying, I offered my assistance to her. She actually was just trying to decide on what she wanted and didn't need my help.

But this scenario got me thinking. I wonder why I am so shy to help those around me, especially the needy ones. We've grown up in a society where anything that is not "normal" should not be made an issue for fear of hurting someone's feelings. I guess that has paralyzed me in many respects in offering my help to those who are handicapped. I'm afraid they will be insulted that I offered or even insinuated that they were not capable of doing things themselves, when the truth is - they can't!

I've actually noticed that most handicapped people really appreciate a helping hand and don't seem to have any qualms about asking for assistance when they need it. So what is this ridiculous feeling of being embarrassed to help out? I don't know, but I've just realized I need to get over it if I am going to be a witness and show love to my "neighbor". Also, it made me think I am being an example to my children. If I am awkward and/or callous to those around me who need my help, I am sending a message about those types of people to my children. And since I was just talking to the girls about the Good Samaratine (sp?) I figured I better start now. After all, more is caught than taught!