This is a post that Denise has contributed. She has graciously agreed to help add her own tips and advice to this blog from her experience and wisdom. Thanks so much, Denise, this is a great idea!
Here is an idea.... Our children need one-on-one time with each parent. They need the attention and time for love and communication that comes from doing this.
A great way to do this is to plan a "date" (or as we called them in my family, "special time") between your child and you (or your husband). Go somewhere. It can be a park to feed the ducks (go buy a loaf of white bread and let the child pick out a little "treat", and your date is less than $2). It can be a visit to a doughnut shop on Saturday/Sunday morning. It could be a little hike in some woods nearby, with a pop-up tent at the end for playing in. It could be going to see the fish in the tank at Bass Pro Shops. The possibilities are endless, but I say keep it very simple so that spending time is what counts, and you don't have to stress about what/where, since that's not the point.
My parents did a great job making sure each one of us got this both parents. Mom would take us out to lunch or coffee (as we got older) or just to the grocery. Dad actually took us on trips that were a few days long once we reached 6 years old or so. But even prior to that, he cared about it so much, he's been known to take his (still in diapers) son to grad school class with him! Apparently riding a train to class was amazing fun for a ~2 year old! I'm using this as an example to say, it doesn't even have to be an event, as much as it's just taking your child with you for the purpose of getting time with them. When Mom made an effort to take only one of us to the grocery, she made sure to ask us what kind of cereal we wanted. It was a small way to "treat" us without actually deviating from the grocery list or making any siblings jealous (since it was everyone's cereal). I've got friends who use Sunday morning before church as their "Special Time with Daddy." One of the three girls gets a doughnut date with Daddy for an hour before church. Now, this requires sacrifice on the mom's part, because she has to show up early for church to sing, thus getting everyone ready that much earlier. But she does it, because it's important to "Daddy." Find out if there's something you can do, if your husband wants to carve out times like these. Or wing it. Whatever works.
Just know that children will remember this for a lifetime. I still do.
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5 comments:
I fully remember those "special times" with both Mom and Dad. In such a large family these times were a great way to stay connected and bonded.
Seth loves to take the girls out individually or together on dates. Katrina loves getting all dressed up and insists they always stop at Starbucks to make it an official "date". :) When Seth takes one, I try to make it special for the one left behind. We'll make a little dinner like homemade pizza, bake a dessert, play a fun game and/or watch their favorite movie. We love these special times!
This is such a good idea! Last year, Rob took Hannah as his date to his squadron's Christmas party since I didn't feel well. Hannah loved it so much because she got to dress up and be with dad all afternoon. She has already asked about it this year and told me that she needed a dress to go to the Christmas party!! Rebekah wants to go too so, he has decided to take Rebekah out to dinner since she is too impatient for a Christmas party. I had never thought about carving out one on one time with my daughters. Usually the one left out is so unhappy that I ususally take both. However, I will change that as well. I am very much in favor of going on dates with daddy. As he and I have discussed, he is setting the standard that she will judge future dates by.
Violet & I had a Special Time tonight, thanks to the prompting from this post lingering in my mind since this morning. We decided on spaghetti for dinner, but found we had no noodles. I asked her if she wanted to go get spaghetti at a restaurant, and she said YES! "You and me, Mommy?" I said, "YES! You and me, Violet!" It was pretty cute, how enamored she was of this time tonight. We actually sat and had conversation together at the restaurant...I taught her how to use the spoon and spin the fork around, she sipped on a PINK lemonade (something totally exciting to her--she'd never seen PINK "juice" before!), and we finished with her choice of dessert, a "turtle cheesecake." It was a thoroughly enjoyable time! I can't wait till Ben gets to do some of this with his little girl when he returns!
Susi and Dad, you've got me in tears here how your little girls adore these times so much!!! I am wistful for when Elyana can understand this as well....
Dada, I think it's so special how Rob took Hannah and she just seemed to feel like Cinderella! Rob obviously loves his girls a lot too, by knowing Rebekah wants this too and planning that. It's just precious!
Susi... how lovely!!! Really, I can just see Violet oohing and aahing over going out for "spaghetti"! And drinking pink juice - how cute! I remember my very first date with my Daddy where I got a special drink - a "Shirley Temple"... Goodness, I felt special! I know with just one right now it can feel like you're just doing everything together because it's normal (& not to mention the only choice!), but by doing it intentionally, it makes all the difference.
You guys examples are SO inspiring!!!
Oh my goodness, those stories you guys shared are soooo cute!
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