Talkin 'Bout My Man

I'm trying to think of some applicable posts during the holiday season. I thought since most of us will be around lots of family and friends, many of whom might not be saved, this might be a good one.

My mother used to share with us how when she was a young married woman attending special occasions and events all the ladies of the family (or friends, too) would get together and start bad-mouthing their husbands. I don't think it was planned, it was just a natural thing to do. Start complaining. My mother said she noticed this and wouldn't join in. In fact she would start telling all the good things about her husband. I think some of those ladies actually thought something was wrong with her, but she was being a witness and standing by her man.

I've noticed it is so true that when women get together they begin to talk about their problems, usually involving their husbands. I really don't think it is in their hearts to put their man down. A lot of times it is a casual comment dropped here and there or a laughing remark about how their husband does this or won't do that. It's not malicious, just "sharing". But that kind of sharing can lead to a downward spiral of negative comments and feelings towards your husband. If done with a complaining or discontented heart it doesn't edify and actually is disrespectful to him. I can tend to do this when I am around other women. I'm not trying to down my husband, but in trying to commiserate with these women ("My husband never changes the baby's diaper." "Yeah, Seth doesn't like to do that either. He's probably done it less than blah blah times.")I find myself falling into the trap of complaining.

I guess there is a balance, though. A balance between being real and realistic as opposed to sharing character flaws and degrading your man. I think in our heart we know whether we are just making a comment or saying something to get sympathy or to complain. And I do believe there are times women can share struggles they are going through concerning their husband with a godly friend or mentor. But like I mention before it is what is in the heart. Are you trying to share something to entice pity for you and indignation towards your husband or are you truly seeking helpful advice or godly comfort?

So, when family and friends get together and begin to "share", be on guard for those attitudes. Maybe it'd be better to share the positive things about your husband that you appreciate. Harmless comments here and there are all very well, but watch out for the unnecessary comments that don't serve to do any good and leave others with a worse opinion of your husband than before.

Romantic Atmosphere

Burning a scented candle and playing some peaceful music before your husband comes home will really help set the atmosphere for a stress-free evening. Imagine him coming home and feeling the warmth of a fire or woodstove, smelling the aroma of homemade dinner and spiced candles, sensing of peace as the children (hopefully) are playing quietly while music is streaming through the house and seeing you looking fresh and greeting him with a happy smile and loving kiss. That really infuses all the 5 senses, doesn't it? Wouldn't that just bless the man? Many of you are probably far better than I at keeping a peaceful and romantic atmosphere and remembering the little things like candles and music. It is something I am inspired to do more regularly when the evenings get darker earlier and the cold weather begins to set in. I just want to make it a cozy little place for my husband to feel welcomed and at peace.

It can't always be like that. Sometimes Seth comes home to fussing children, a disheveled wife in dirty exercise clothes, dinner unmade and toys strewn every which way. In those circumstances I still try to be sensitive to not greet him with a list of complaints and things that need to get done or fixed. (Which is rare because he is always on top of things that need fixing.) Rather I might put on a smile or simply laugh at the commotion and greet him with a kiss that says, "I'm sorry it's like this, but I'm glad you're home."

Still, I need to make an effort to stay on top of things and try to make his home a place he feels he can enjoy and rest. Little things like a cup of warm tea or a prepared bath waiting for him tell him I'm thinking of him and love him. It takes planning and a little more work, but I love to bless him!

Completing the Circle

There are times when one of us is cranky, stressed, sick, angry, selfish or just plain mean. It can be with or without a cause. But when the other one steps in and shows love instead of hurt feelings or retaliation Seth and I refer to is as completing the circle. The circle of love. When I am angry and snap disrespectfully at him and he just gives me a hug or takes the children on a walk, he has completed the circle. When he is stressed out and I've already got a mile high list of things to do and I drop it all to help him, that is completing the circle. When he says something inconsiderate and I brush it off understandingly and turn around and say something loving to him, I have completed the circle. It is a never ending relationship of give and take, but it is never balanced. We don't keep a mental score of who showed the other one kindness and who did this for the other person so now it is our turn to receive.

We all do this on a daily basis in order to keep our marriages healthy and strong. But we need to note that we all go through seasons and at one point you may feel like you are always giving and at other times you may feel like you are always receiving. It is much easier to get offended and shove the glass of water in his face after he hurt your feelings or didn't help with this or that, to be cold and aloof after he didn't say something about your new dress or ignored your overtures. So, we need to check our emotions and curb out desire to lash out carnally. Instead our response should always be love, love and more love. Patients when he's stressed, kindness when he's upset, encouragement when he is depressed, etc. And what is even harder is making sure our actions are done out of love and not obligation because it is "the right thing to do". He can sense if your heart is in it, if your still harboring hurt feelings.

As I write this I have totally failed in this area already today.1 I was hurt, deeply hurt about something. I was cold and mean. Guess what Seth did? He brought me back flowers and multiple gifts. Not to appease my anger, but to complete the circle and show his love for me. Maybe next time I can be the one completing the circle... By God's grace.