I never knew I had such an evil side to me before I fell in love. I was a very mild-tempered person, but once I was in love, suddenly Jealousy enter the picture too. It didn't matter the situation or the person, if I thought (or imagined) even remotely that my husband found a certain girl attractive, I changed into Mr. Hyde. To this day if I see an attractive girl eying him or I think he noticed that "slutty" girl over yonder, I want to go rip her hair out and gouge her eyes out. Or at least I want to pick her apart by magnifying every single defect that she has - real or not. It's bad, I know! One might think that I must not be secure in my husband's love and attraction towards me. I must clarify that Seth is an extremely passionate and loving man. He lavishes love on me and is constantly reaffirming how attractive I am in his eyes. Perhaps I have a low self-esteem after the body changes I've gone through with three children. (Ya think?!) Whatever the case, I think many women feel what I feel to some extent at different times, albeit not always with quite as much vehemence as I express.
Ok, so what am I supposed to do in this type of situation? Well, the default attitude of being sarcastic; sulking; giving him the cold, silent treatment; pointing out every single defect in the other girl or being offended is not quite the right approach. I think it wearies my husband and (not doubt) actually works to my disadvantage for my husband to see me in such a carnal and weak state.
(Again, let me interject by telling you that my husband is the most moral man I know - seriously. And he holds the highest standard for himself regarding lust...but he is still a man. And he is also *cursed* (so I think :) with being THE most observant man on the planet! I wonder if anything escapes his notice.)
I've slowly come to realize that the best way to fight fire is with fire. Meaning, if there is an attractive girl around, I must fight to make myself more attractive for him. I'm not saying that I should feel like I am in competition to gain my husband's favor. Obviously, it isn't a game and our husbands should (and hopefully do) have eyes only for us. However, it IS a game to Satan, and I don't want to make it more difficult for my husband; I want to make it easy for him to love me and find me attractive. I want him to not have to TRY to focus on me in the midst of dozens of scantily-clad, perfectly fit women; I want it to be easy and desirable. Turning his eyes from one of those types of girls onto a discontent, scowling wife who gives him the cold shoulder would not be very inviting. Of course, a loving and passionate relationship with your husband is the first place to start. But here is a tip next time you're faced with Jealousy: smile your sweetest, most seductive smile; give him a hot kiss and walk off with your hips swaying (very deliberately) and your head held high from confidence. That "hussy" will be LONG forgotten.
So simple in theory, but extremely difficult to do in the moment (for me). Yet I know that my husband tells me those are the times that help him the most. When there are pop-ups of women in lingerie, billboards of tan beauties in bikinis, or scores of hot girls walking around, I am learning to take action by grabbing my husband's attention with my joyful countenance and shameless flirting towards him. I want to make him want me only.
And on a spiritual note, it makes me relate a little easier to the Lord and how He feels jealous over us when our affections and attentions aren't on Him. He says He is a jealous God. It is frightening to think how strongly He feels when I am not loving Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.
Note: I am mostly referring to our attitudes when I talk about "competing" for our husband's attention. I don't need to address clothing because obviously I have no say in the matter and it should be entirely up to the couple to decide what the wife should wear, so I am really addressing attitudes and actions.
Ok, this is already waaay too long. Bye bye!
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3 comments:
OK, so this is nothing to add to this very serious and important post, but...Karen? really? I canNOT picture you with the green monster blazing out of your eyes :D You're one of the mildest, sweetest-mannered people I know.... I just had to laugh at your description of eye-gouging. LOL!!
lol yeah, I can't picture you like that either!
I gotta say, this is one area I haven't struggled with a lot. I won't say that I have never struggled with it, but it's not something that I've dealt with a lot. Probably for several reasons. One, I like pretty people. I notice them, and I like to look at them. Call me weird, but maybe it's just because of my job. I dunno. Two, I've found that a LOT of the people I think are pretty/cute/attractive/etc, Luke doesn't. Like, I'll comment about somebody being pretty, and he'll be like, "are you serious?" Now, that won't happen every time, because every once in awhile we do agree on someone being pretty. (so it's not that he's just being nice to me, and acting like he doesn't think anybody else is pretty, haha!) Three, he's really not a very attentive person when it comes to things like that. At least from what I've found. :)
So yeah, I guess I'm a lot different than most girls. But like I said, that doesn't mean I've never had jealous feelings, or won't ever have them, it's just something I haven't dealt with a lot. :) Thank goodness!
You guys have no idea! I'm definitely like the "green-eyed monster"! Seth is surprised at how jealous I can be at times. Oh my!
Sarah,
I can see where you are coming from. I actually can appreciate beauty, too, but then there is a line between that and, um, "slutty", you know? Then again, even if it were a very sweet and nice girl I still would be jealous if she tried to flirt with my man.
Also, I do think most men are not nearly as observant as Seth. We often remark how he has a lot of characteristics of a women and I have more of the ones for a man. I mean, not in the masculine or feminine sense! But like, he is very observant and intuitive to other people's feeings and I tend to be more absent-minded or just plain dense. He'd be the type to go over in his mind how a conversation went and how it could have been misinterpreted whereas I might shrug my shoulders and think, "Oh well, it' not my fault if they thought that." So maybe a lot of women don't have to deal with this as much as I do. Plus Seth is very vocal and I am not so much. He will be very blunt about someone and maybe point out something about them and then I start thinking, "He noticed that because he was attracted to her!" But, like you mentioned, often Seth's tastes are not the same as mine so I'm often wrong!
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