This isn't a helpful tip post. This is a cry for help! I wonder if any of you readers can give me some advice. How do you guys handle stress? I can handle many, many stressful situations, but the one that always seems to get me is pressure to get ready and be somewhere at a certain time. No matter how much time I allot for getting myself and the children ready, I always find myself snapping at the children, ordering them to quickly do this or that, being fussy with my husband, losing my temper, speaking harshly to everyone and generally being a horror. (Or as my mother might say, "witch":) I'm always trying to fight two major thoughts: #1. I don't want to continue to be stereotyped as tardy because it is a "Graydon" thing. #2. I don't want to ask for help because Seth might think I am not capable. Now, if you know Seth, you know he is always helping whether I ask for it or not, but I certainly don't make my appreciation know in the heat of everything.
So after all is said and done and we're on our way, whether late or early or on time, I say my apologies and dole out my appreciation for everyone, but I always feel like I've failed and haven't handle the situation in a Christ-like manner. If any of you have tips for me, please comment. I certainly know about planning, being prepared ahead of time, doing things the previous day, etc, but I always seem to be rushing out the door with diapers flying and children fussing from mommy being mean. :( I hate it and I want some practical advice not so much on how to avoid the stress (although that'd be nice too) but how to handle the stress in a loving and patient way.
Thanks for your help!
Friday, November 6, 2009
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4 comments:
Karen, I have recently had the same problem. I have never been late for anything in my life and then I got 8 months pregnant with 2 kids that have their own ideas in the morning. So, don't feel bad. I was beginning to think that I would never be on time for anything again, especially after Matthew gets here. I don't know if these ideas will help, but they have helped me.
First, I do as much as I can, prep-work the night before. I get the girls to pick their outfit and lay it out on their dresser Secondly, I try to elliminate all distractions, ie TV, or radio, dolls. Third, I do get started earlier and fourth,I ask for help.
No one is superwoman. Getting your 3 children fed,dressed,hair brushed, teeth brushed,coats on, yourself dressed and ready while still tending to kids bickering or trying to find things is impossible. It has nothing to do with you being capable...just human. I would ask for help.
In my love dare book this week it compared how men and women think. We women tend to hint and hope that our husband will see us struggling and jump in to help. Our husbands are often clueless because they are not wired that way. Men think in headlines and simply want to be told specifically what needs to be done. I finally started asking my husband for help in the morning. Very specific tasks works better. "Will you make Hannah's lunch?" "Will you brush their teeth?" "Would you mind helping them make their bed." He has always jumped on it without any form of grudge. Seth (like Rob) may see that you are stressing and doesn't know exactly what he can do to help because he doesn't know what needs to be done.
My girls actually respond quicker to Rob than to me. Probably because I become snappy and I'm constantly in their ear about something. Rob (who isn't stressed) can get things done with them alot faster.
Hope this helps, sorry its sooo long.
One thing that might possibly help is to aim for an earlier time, and then get out by the appointed time. For example, when going to church, if Sunday School starts at 9:00 and it takes fifteen minutes to get to church, mom would aim to leave by 8:30 (but we would always get out of the house at 8:45!) So we usually arrived right on time.
Getting yourself ready and getting your kids ready is a HUGE job--one that I can't imagine doing by myself! A lot of times my pride gets in the way of people trying to help me because I want to "do it myself". You said you didn't want Seth to think you were "not capable" but we must be careful of our motives. It's so easy to let pride slip into our daily lives.
Dittoes to what Catherine said :) That's my strategy. I aim for waaay earlier than is really neccessary and hopefully make it in time. I usually try to think of rounding things up to the nearest half or quarter hour. For example, if I need to be somewhere by 8:30 and I know it's about ten minutes away, I tell myself we need to drive out the driveway at 8:15. That means I need to start putting children in the car at 8:00. That means I need to start loading the car and putting coats on at 7:30. It usually works pretty well :)
Thank you everyone for your advice and suggestions. I appreciate everything you guys shared with me. I know that my thoughts especially are rooted in pride and it is something I must humble myself about and be able to ask for help and receive it joyfully! :)
Thanks again!
Karen
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