Submission: Phase 2

Here is another selection from the booklet I've been going through.

Why we should not try to change our husbands
1. Genuine change is internal and is the work of God. When a woman tries to change her husband she is actually showing a lack of faith and trust in her heavenly Father. When a woman tries her own methods she effectively blocks God's pressure.

2. A woman who uses her own wisdom and methods in an attempt to change her husband destroys harmony and communion with both her husband and God. A woman who steps in God's place and tries to change her husband becomes a wedge between her husband and God. It actually hinders God's working in her husband's wife.

3. A woman's pressure doesn't work. It can even make the problem worse.
a.) A man (or woman for that matter) tends to fight his conscience. If a woman becomes her husband's conscience he will fight her and resent her. Instead of seeing his guilt he will see her sin (stepping out of the position God has placed and judging him) and justify his own actions by blaming her.
b.)A woman who attempts to change her husband usurps his authority and therefore is sinning against God and her husband.
c.)A woman who attempts to change her husband becomes a mother or teacher rather then lover. Check your love life for signs of this. A woman who doesn't respect her husband cannot develop true intimacy with her husband. A man who feels mothered rather than respected cannot feel fulfilled intimately either and it can be cause for temptations.
d.) In most cases a man already knows his own faults and sins unless he has a blind spot. However, he wants and needs respect and wants his wife to focus on his good traits and praise him rather than correct, rebuke or condemn.

This is yet another section from the booklet "A Woman More Precious then Jewels". I have to say that when I first was married I struggled with the idea of not trying to change my husband. I thought if there were sin that I saw in his life or some sort of error it was my job as his wife and friend to help him see this. Now, I think that there can be a right way to do this. With much prayer, right timing and a humble, servant's attitude it might be effective. However, it really depends on the husband, the relationship, the wife's history (has she struggle with a similar sin and now is condemning him?), etc. For me personally I have noticed that our marriage is much more harmonious and joyful when I leave the correcting up to God and love my husband for who he is. When I chose to focus on his good traits (and he is just overflowing with them) I am able to sincerely respect him and enjoy the intimate relationship God intends in marriage. I have a truly wonderful husband who's few faults are far outweighed by his virtues. However, if I focus on one of his faults, suddenly all his good attributes are forgotten and that one fault is glaring. I cannot be the loving, respectful wife God commands me to be when this is my attitude and mindset. I would encourage all wives to be much more loving (love covers a multitude of sins) and a lot less critical. Try to leave the things that bother you or even hurt you in God's hands. Take that step of faith by not doing anything, but simply be the wife God calls you to be in scripture (Eph 5:22-33, 1 Pet 3:1-7 & Col 3:18-19). By obeying the scriptural commands for wives there will be nothing you can be blamed for and your husband will be able to distinguish God's conviction from your own condemnation. Trust that God loves you and your husband enough to work effectively in his life and yours without your interference.