I believe that many, many, many, many, MANY women struggle with judging their husbands spiritual actions or lack thereof. I know I have and still do at times. I think we have to realize that while we may hold certain standards or personal preferences about things (choice of how to spend one's leisure time, how to deal with sticky situations, what movies to show the children, if any, etc) that these are personal and should not be considered "convictions" to be placed on your husband. He has his own relationship with the Lord and we don't need to be "helping" God by show our husband his errors and encouraging him to adopt our "holier" ways. I think it gets messy when a wife has certain preferences that suddenly become her "convictions" because they are more "spiritual". (We should go to the Bible study instead of stay at home and watch a movie.) Then, the husband appears to be the less spiritual one because he would like to spend some fun time with his wife rather than go to a Bible study. (Just FYI, this is a theoretical example and does not reflect my relationship with Seth. :) The woman feels like he isn't being a spiritual leader and the man feels like his spiritual leadership is being challenged.
So, lets evaluate our differences with our husbands to determine if they are truly convictions or rather preferences. Obviously preferences, even if they appear more spiritual, are not things to hold on to in the face of our husband's leadership and authority. Cheerful submission is the calling for us women faced with a situation like this.
Let me give you a quite laughable scenario....
There are those who believe the woman should still be veiled. (This is not the laughable part, I personally respect this conviction very deeply.:) However, the whole point of being veiled is to show a woman's submission to her husband as her head and leader. (1Cor 11, I think.) However, there were some situations where the woman believed in the veiling and the husband didn't want her to. Oh, what to do, what to do? This to me is the comical part. The veiling is to signify the submission, so if a woman veiled against her husband's wishes she was actually not in submission and therefore in complete opposition to the heart of the scriptural command. But you see how she felt is was a conviction or at least the right thing to do, but her husband did not feel compelled? It certainly appears more spiritual to be covered or veiled, wouldn't you think? Yes, but truly an unveiled woman pleasing her husband is more right in the eyes of God than the veiled woman who is dishonoring her husband by her lack of obedience.
This certainly can be a sticky topic and I only mean to challenge us wives to make sure we are not lording our spirituality over our husbands and making him adhere to our standards if they are personal preferences and not truly convictions placed by the Holy Spirit in our hearts.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
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3 comments:
Hello Karen,
I was afraid you were gone forever! Thank you SO SO much for the outfit and blanket you sent Matthew! You are the most thoughtful person I have ever met. You have a card coming in the mail.
It is so awesome that you posted this because it is something that I struggle with. This year I have committed to my marriage. Of course, my marriage has always been important to me, but this year I am focusing (like a laser beam) on it. I have cut out some additional activities that I use to partake in and learning the meaning of compromise. I was afraid that I would be resentful because I was (sacrificing sooo much), but my husband has really responded to my actions and has started compromising as well! I said all that to say, I understand how it feels when you think you are taking the higher road and your husband is making less holy choices. Funny thing is when I am off doing all my holy things, he is the one at home caring for the home and playing with the kids. So, who has made the better choice? Thanks for this blog!
Hey Dana,
I'm so glad you got the gift for Matthew. I was wondering if it really would get there because I rarely mail things overseas and am not really sure about how reliable it is.
I know you are really striving to improve your marriage and I am so excited for you for the blessings that will come from your commitment to please the Lord by honoring your husband and winning his heart. By humbling yourself and becoming the godly woman Peter talks about who needs only to act Christ-like I know you can affect your husbands heart. I don't really know your situation with your husband, but I understand you want it to be better and your are going about it in the way the Lord wants, so I know He will bless you and your marriage.
I appreciate all your comments and am honored if anything I write happens to help in anyway. Sometimes all it takes is someone to phrase something just so and it puts a whole new light and perspective on my attitudes and thoughts.
Take care and God bless you and your whole family!
This one I have struggled with all our marriage. I see it in myself, and I despise it! It has only ever built wedges between us and done the opposite of all that's "godly" and right... It is dishonoring. Anyway, I appreciate the reminder. Whenever Jonathan's been away, and he's about to come home, I have lofty goals of how I'll be... Well, it's good to start it out with the right spiritual foot.
I love you.
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