I really don't hang out with many woman my age and in the same situation as I am in (married with children) so I don't know if this is something you guys may all roll your eyes at and think, "duh", but here goes...
Guys really need and enjoy "guy time" with other guys...at times. Seth and I almost always prefer to be with each other - alone. But, there are times it is fun for him to go off and watch a movie with some guys, or visit, or have them over for gaming, or what not. It's fun for him. If I gave him a guilt trip every time he left to spend some time with a friend and I was "left" to eat dinner with the kids and put them to bed and clean up all by my lonesome...sniff, sniff...I think he'd be miserable and secretly be thankful to get a break from his "contentious" wife.
It's important to treasure the time spent with your husband, but also be happy for him to be having a good time without you. (Gasp! is it possible?) Because of our situation, I need to be home with the kids and keeping house. Seth's an adventurer. An explorer. An energetic man. Staying home all the time and helping put the kids down or clean up dinner isn't always for him. (Though I'd wager he does it more than most guys and thoroughly enjoys it when it is done voluntarily.)
So, when he gets an itch to get out and do something, my response should be an enthusiastic smile and helpful hand pushing him out the door, or at least eeping the kids from going out the door with him. :) I shouldn't be selfish and feel sorry for myself, but be happy for him. That is what love is, isn't it? Besides, he always is happy for me to have opportunities to do activities and he offers to watch the kids when he can.
And if he wants to have some guys over, my job and joy should be to serve them and make it as fun and uninterrupted as possible. Make snacks, have the children behave, clean up, serve, and if Seth wants, be there with him and enjoy the fellowship and good times with "his" friends.
Ok, I'm done. :)
Saturday, December 5, 2009
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2 comments:
It's so funny that you bring this up! I'm always talking about the opposite on my blog, it seems like :) That is, a woman's need to have a support network of like-minded woman around her to exhort and encourage.
I suppose it must have something to do with the particular man you're married to. J is very much a homebody :) He very rarely wants to go out with friends and has a few very close friends. But still, once or twice a year, they go to the beach all together-- about six or eight men, and believe you me! I push him out the door with a happy heart :) It's good to see him enjoy some fellowship.
I, on the other hand, have a great need for fellowship, and while being out with friends leaves J exhausted and in need of alone time to re-charge, I am invigorated and renewed!
No, this is good! Even when we were married & it was just the two of us, I didn't relish the idea of us being separated for an evening!
However, it is good for both of us, if the opportunity arises for our husbands to spend time with guys... They benefit from it, and us being cheerful about it helps too... Also, they will usually gladly repay the favor when an opportunity comes for us to spend time with some girls.
99% of the time, Jonathan just wants to be with me. Realistically, with a baby, even when he wants me with him (fishing, hunting), I can't do it anymore as frequently as I used to. So it's good for me to not resent his hobbies and when I hear him mention an event, to readily and excitedly encourage him to do it. He KNOWS its not easy being without him when we've already been apart all day, but that doesn't mean he should never go anywhere... So, yes, I like how you talk about our attitude being one to embrace it happily rather than giving into a "poor me."
And in my experience, he's jumped at the chance to let me go when I ask...
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