Convenient Inconvenience

Seth injured his ankle the other day. He needed to be able to rest and not walk around on it a lot. For him, if he is at home he can't NOT help. No matter the circumstance, he will try to fix this, hold the baby, clean that, etc. So, in order to really help him rest, I actually had to leave. Yup. I took the children out for the day. This wasn't an easy task because I'm used to Seth coming with me and helping with the children. However, I knew this would be the best way I could serve my husband and let him rest. I knew that he would never ask us to leave, but it really was something he appreciated and needed.

I guess I'm saying all this to say that when things are going tough for your husband, try to be sensitive to his needs and be willing to make sacrifices that you know he would appreciate. You know what he would really like or what would bless him the most even if it might throw a monkey wrench into your plans.

The Ultimate Discipline?

I was talking with a mother recently about child training. I was sharing with her some of the struggles we've had to deal with concerning our eldest. I mentioned that spankings weren't the worst kind of discipline for her and we had to try alternatives, too. She looked at me a little confused and asked, "What discipline could be worse than spanking?" I know that among Christians, spanking is often considered the ultimate discipline. However, I think it is important that we be discerning towards our children and what really affects them most. For Katrina she would not always respond to a spanking (and believe me it wasn't because I was a weakling or softy either!). I realized for her that separation from me or taking away a special toy or blanket was much more effective at times. Not always, but at times when I couldn't seem to break through with her. Once I had spent a lot of time dealing with her with prayer and the conventional form of disciplines. Finally after there had been no sense of remorse or contrition I told her she must stay in the room until she was ready to apologize and obey me completely. Simple and yet very effective. I would consider this a much milder form of discipline for most kids, but I realized that for her this was worse! She didn't last 5 minutes and broke down in a pitiful (and genuine), "I'm sorry, Mommy." It broke my heart that we had to go through all that, but we had a very special bonding time afterward.

So, as mothers we need to know what is most effective at causing our children to quickly break their will and obey us. Obviously spanking is generally the most effective course in most instances, but you may have an unusual child on your hands who will respond better with other types, too. It is so important that we know each of our children individually and have close relationships with them.

I'm happy to say that the lady I was sharing this with went home and tried a different approach with her daughter and noticed positive results! :) God's given us many, many avenues to use to train our children so let us not be one-tracked about the forms of discipline we use.

Stress

This isn't a helpful tip post. This is a cry for help! I wonder if any of you readers can give me some advice. How do you guys handle stress? I can handle many, many stressful situations, but the one that always seems to get me is pressure to get ready and be somewhere at a certain time. No matter how much time I allot for getting myself and the children ready, I always find myself snapping at the children, ordering them to quickly do this or that, being fussy with my husband, losing my temper, speaking harshly to everyone and generally being a horror. (Or as my mother might say, "witch":) I'm always trying to fight two major thoughts: #1. I don't want to continue to be stereotyped as tardy because it is a "Graydon" thing. #2. I don't want to ask for help because Seth might think I am not capable. Now, if you know Seth, you know he is always helping whether I ask for it or not, but I certainly don't make my appreciation know in the heat of everything.

So after all is said and done and we're on our way, whether late or early or on time, I say my apologies and dole out my appreciation for everyone, but I always feel like I've failed and haven't handle the situation in a Christ-like manner. If any of you have tips for me, please comment. I certainly know about planning, being prepared ahead of time, doing things the previous day, etc, but I always seem to be rushing out the door with diapers flying and children fussing from mommy being mean. :( I hate it and I want some practical advice not so much on how to avoid the stress (although that'd be nice too) but how to handle the stress in a loving and patient way.

Thanks for your help!

Special Times

This is a post that Denise has contributed. She has graciously agreed to help add her own tips and advice to this blog from her experience and wisdom. Thanks so much, Denise, this is a great idea!

Here is an idea.... Our children need one-on-one time with each parent. They need the attention and time for love and communication that comes from doing this.

A great way to do this is to plan a "date" (or as we called them in my family, "special time") between your child and you (or your husband). Go somewhere. It can be a park to feed the ducks (go buy a loaf of white bread and let the child pick out a little "treat", and your date is less than $2). It can be a visit to a doughnut shop on Saturday/Sunday morning. It could be a little hike in some woods nearby, with a pop-up tent at the end for playing in. It could be going to see the fish in the tank at Bass Pro Shops. The possibilities are endless, but I say keep it very simple so that spending time is what counts, and you don't have to stress about what/where, since that's not the point.

My parents did a great job making sure each one of us got this both parents. Mom would take us out to lunch or coffee (as we got older) or just to the grocery. Dad actually took us on trips that were a few days long once we reached 6 years old or so. But even prior to that, he cared about it so much, he's been known to take his (still in diapers) son to grad school class with him! Apparently riding a train to class was amazing fun for a ~2 year old! I'm using this as an example to say, it doesn't even have to be an event, as much as it's just taking your child with you for the purpose of getting time with them. When Mom made an effort to take only one of us to the grocery, she made sure to ask us what kind of cereal we wanted. It was a small way to "treat" us without actually deviating from the grocery list or making any siblings jealous (since it was everyone's cereal). I've got friends who use Sunday morning before church as their "Special Time with Daddy." One of the three girls gets a doughnut date with Daddy for an hour before church. Now, this requires sacrifice on the mom's part, because she has to show up early for church to sing, thus getting everyone ready that much earlier. But she does it, because it's important to "Daddy." Find out if there's something you can do, if your husband wants to carve out times like these. Or wing it. Whatever works.

Just know that children will remember this for a lifetime. I still do. 

"My, what big biceps you have!"

Next time you are sitting next to your husband or driving in the car with him, reach over and squeeze his bicep and remark how strong he is and how attractive that is to you. He'll LOVE it! (And then watch him flex just to "show off" in front of you - men!) I don't know any man who doesn't want to be appreciated for being strong. You'll definitely inflate his ego, but he needs it from you. :)

Good morning, Sunshine!

This post is inspired by Dana's recent entry on her blog. Thanks Dana!

Whether you're a morning person or not, be sure to greet your husband and children warmly in the mornings. You don't have to be super cheerful (that'd probably be annoying to some) but a smile followed by a plesant greeting and a sweet kiss can set the day off right for everybody. (uh, after your teeth are brushed :)

I used to greet my oldest daughter sweetly in the morning, but when my second daughter came along my firstborn (ever the earlybird) would rise waay too early and come wake me up happy and LOUD. I found myself replying with a grumpy, "Shhh, don't wake Shiona!" Poor little sunshine! Seth pointed it out to me one morning and after that I made an effort to smile and quietly tell her good morning and be quite! We actually established a little tradition of quietly readng together in the mornings before anyone else was up. I look back at those times snuggling on the couch and reading short stories or Bible lessons with special fondness!

Promises, promises

This past week I found myself doing the, "mommy will do that later" thing with my children. They were constantly asking me to fix this or find that at inconvenient times like while I was nursing Michael or doing dishes. By the end of the week I had accumulated quite a few unfulfilled promises. It came together when I realized Shiona hadn't been playing with her favorite dolly for several days because I hadn't found and replaced the dolly's arm. (I kid you not.) I saw that the past week had been filled with times I had not kept my word to them. And to be painfully honest, some of those promises I made were just said to make them stop nagging me and I secretly hoped they'd forget! What am I teaching my kids by my actions? Oh, so many wrong things - like Mommy can't be counted on to remember or keep her word and that their little wants and needs aren't improtant to me. How this brings tears to my eyes! Our word should be as good as if we swore an oath. Our yes should be yes and our no, no. I went and spent the other evening trying to fulfill all the past promises of fixing arms, playing Candy Land and sewing up holes for my little treasures. I want them to remember their mommy as one who took their little troubles and problems to heart and showed love through my actions. :)