Special Times

This is a post that Denise has contributed. She has graciously agreed to help add her own tips and advice to this blog from her experience and wisdom. Thanks so much, Denise, this is a great idea!

Here is an idea.... Our children need one-on-one time with each parent. They need the attention and time for love and communication that comes from doing this.

A great way to do this is to plan a "date" (or as we called them in my family, "special time") between your child and you (or your husband). Go somewhere. It can be a park to feed the ducks (go buy a loaf of white bread and let the child pick out a little "treat", and your date is less than $2). It can be a visit to a doughnut shop on Saturday/Sunday morning. It could be a little hike in some woods nearby, with a pop-up tent at the end for playing in. It could be going to see the fish in the tank at Bass Pro Shops. The possibilities are endless, but I say keep it very simple so that spending time is what counts, and you don't have to stress about what/where, since that's not the point.

My parents did a great job making sure each one of us got this both parents. Mom would take us out to lunch or coffee (as we got older) or just to the grocery. Dad actually took us on trips that were a few days long once we reached 6 years old or so. But even prior to that, he cared about it so much, he's been known to take his (still in diapers) son to grad school class with him! Apparently riding a train to class was amazing fun for a ~2 year old! I'm using this as an example to say, it doesn't even have to be an event, as much as it's just taking your child with you for the purpose of getting time with them. When Mom made an effort to take only one of us to the grocery, she made sure to ask us what kind of cereal we wanted. It was a small way to "treat" us without actually deviating from the grocery list or making any siblings jealous (since it was everyone's cereal). I've got friends who use Sunday morning before church as their "Special Time with Daddy." One of the three girls gets a doughnut date with Daddy for an hour before church. Now, this requires sacrifice on the mom's part, because she has to show up early for church to sing, thus getting everyone ready that much earlier. But she does it, because it's important to "Daddy." Find out if there's something you can do, if your husband wants to carve out times like these. Or wing it. Whatever works.

Just know that children will remember this for a lifetime. I still do. 

Bragging Rights

I don't think we realize how much it can bless someone if they hear us bragging about them to others. I try to always recount to Seth the accomplishments and good deeds done by the children when they are listening or at least within ear shot. Also, even though Seth gets embarrassed, I think it means a lot to him when I brag about him to others, especially since one of his love languages is words of affirmation. It also can set their mind at ease and know we are not going behind their backs and complaining about their faults and disclosing their failures, but rather reverencing our husbands and extolling their good points. So, I guess my tip for the day is to try to brag on your husband and children to others while they can hear it!

Husband first

Having babies can put a temporary hold on who gets your primary attention - especially when they are newborns. However, as babies grow and become less needy I've found I continue to place their needs and wants ahead of my husband's, even when it is no longer necessary. I am trying to reprogram my mindset to realize the children can wait and I need to place my husband's needs and wants as foremost in my service to my family.