What can a wife do to change her husband?
This is another section from the booklet I've been reading. This probably doesn't apply to most of us reading this. I know a lot of us are blessed to have husbands that actively love and serve the Lord, but it could prove useful to the wife who's husband is either not saved or perhaps not walking circumspectly as he should before the Lord. The same principles can be applied in smaller circumstances, too, so it can be beneficial for all wives at some point in their marriage to be aware of these helpful tips.
There are two powerful tools God has given a woman to use in order to assist God in changing her husband.
1.) Prayer - of course! I'm often surprised at my using this as a last resort rather than a first. It shows my true level of faith and reliance on God. You can bring all your desires before the Lord, wrong or right, and He will change them, sort them, fulfill them, bless them or do whatever He wants to do with them. I've realized that even some of my very selfish desires can be brought before the Lord and I am surprised by His answers. (Not always a "yes", but sometimes seeing things from a new perspective or changing my desires.) Think of your child who asks for ice cream. Well, we don't always say no, do we? But we don't say they can have it for breakfast either, right?
a. Bringing problems before the Lord helps get our eyes off the problem or the man and onto the Lord. He in turn can replace bitterness or hurt with a proper perspective. One thing is to realize that this "problem" is also used to work in your life and build character in you. Also, thank the Lord for your husband's faults. I Thess 5:18 and Eph 5:20
b. Prayer helps you expect changes from God rather than from your husband. This creates a grateful attitude in the woman towards the Lord and her husband. She no longer sees her husband's good attitudes and actions as things he is expected to do, but as a gift from the Lord and she becomes grateful towards both Father and husband. This also frees up God to work in her husband and frees her husband up from her expectations.
c. Realize that you have the privilege of interceding for your husband. When we detect a problem, our reaction should not be to criticize or judge, but intercede. A wife can "stand in the gap" for her husband. Even when a man is in fellowship with the Lord he still needs his wife's supporting intercession. Also, lack of prayer can limit God's blessings.
d. Prayer can really change your attitude. It is so true! How can you harbor bitterness or unforgiveness when you are turning it all over to the Lord?
e. Prayer is also ensuring that you are in God's will. No matter what you're feeling, planning, wanting, etc, if you place it in God's hands there will be peace, answers, blessing and fulfillment.
The second tool we have is
2.) Provoking (arouse, stimulate, inspire) your husband to love and good works by maturing in your own relationship with Christ. As God works in your life He can channel His love and Himself through you in unique and life-changing ways to your husband. Allow God to change you, and your husband will change in reaction!
In the assignement section of the booklet they advise you make a list of your expectations of your husband and then deliberately give all those to God and allow Him to give them back to you as He sees fit. I've done this several times and have been blessed to feel freed up in my spirit to not require things of my husband but just be grateful for the multitude of things I already have in, through and from him.
Showing posts with label submission. Show all posts
Showing posts with label submission. Show all posts
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
Submission: Phase 2
Here is another selection from the booklet I've been going through.
Why we should not try to change our husbands
1. Genuine change is internal and is the work of God. When a woman tries to change her husband she is actually showing a lack of faith and trust in her heavenly Father. When a woman tries her own methods she effectively blocks God's pressure.
2. A woman who uses her own wisdom and methods in an attempt to change her husband destroys harmony and communion with both her husband and God. A woman who steps in God's place and tries to change her husband becomes a wedge between her husband and God. It actually hinders God's working in her husband's wife.
3. A woman's pressure doesn't work. It can even make the problem worse.
a.) A man (or woman for that matter) tends to fight his conscience. If a woman becomes her husband's conscience he will fight her and resent her. Instead of seeing his guilt he will see her sin (stepping out of the position God has placed and judging him) and justify his own actions by blaming her.
b.)A woman who attempts to change her husband usurps his authority and therefore is sinning against God and her husband.
c.)A woman who attempts to change her husband becomes a mother or teacher rather then lover. Check your love life for signs of this. A woman who doesn't respect her husband cannot develop true intimacy with her husband. A man who feels mothered rather than respected cannot feel fulfilled intimately either and it can be cause for temptations.
d.) In most cases a man already knows his own faults and sins unless he has a blind spot. However, he wants and needs respect and wants his wife to focus on his good traits and praise him rather than correct, rebuke or condemn.
This is yet another section from the booklet "A Woman More Precious then Jewels". I have to say that when I first was married I struggled with the idea of not trying to change my husband. I thought if there were sin that I saw in his life or some sort of error it was my job as his wife and friend to help him see this. Now, I think that there can be a right way to do this. With much prayer, right timing and a humble, servant's attitude it might be effective. However, it really depends on the husband, the relationship, the wife's history (has she struggle with a similar sin and now is condemning him?), etc. For me personally I have noticed that our marriage is much more harmonious and joyful when I leave the correcting up to God and love my husband for who he is. When I chose to focus on his good traits (and he is just overflowing with them) I am able to sincerely respect him and enjoy the intimate relationship God intends in marriage. I have a truly wonderful husband who's few faults are far outweighed by his virtues. However, if I focus on one of his faults, suddenly all his good attributes are forgotten and that one fault is glaring. I cannot be the loving, respectful wife God commands me to be when this is my attitude and mindset. I would encourage all wives to be much more loving (love covers a multitude of sins) and a lot less critical. Try to leave the things that bother you or even hurt you in God's hands. Take that step of faith by not doing anything, but simply be the wife God calls you to be in scripture (Eph 5:22-33, 1 Pet 3:1-7 & Col 3:18-19). By obeying the scriptural commands for wives there will be nothing you can be blamed for and your husband will be able to distinguish God's conviction from your own condemnation. Trust that God loves you and your husband enough to work effectively in his life and yours without your interference.
Why we should not try to change our husbands
1. Genuine change is internal and is the work of God. When a woman tries to change her husband she is actually showing a lack of faith and trust in her heavenly Father. When a woman tries her own methods she effectively blocks God's pressure.
2. A woman who uses her own wisdom and methods in an attempt to change her husband destroys harmony and communion with both her husband and God. A woman who steps in God's place and tries to change her husband becomes a wedge between her husband and God. It actually hinders God's working in her husband's wife.
3. A woman's pressure doesn't work. It can even make the problem worse.
a.) A man (or woman for that matter) tends to fight his conscience. If a woman becomes her husband's conscience he will fight her and resent her. Instead of seeing his guilt he will see her sin (stepping out of the position God has placed and judging him) and justify his own actions by blaming her.
b.)A woman who attempts to change her husband usurps his authority and therefore is sinning against God and her husband.
c.)A woman who attempts to change her husband becomes a mother or teacher rather then lover. Check your love life for signs of this. A woman who doesn't respect her husband cannot develop true intimacy with her husband. A man who feels mothered rather than respected cannot feel fulfilled intimately either and it can be cause for temptations.
d.) In most cases a man already knows his own faults and sins unless he has a blind spot. However, he wants and needs respect and wants his wife to focus on his good traits and praise him rather than correct, rebuke or condemn.
This is yet another section from the booklet "A Woman More Precious then Jewels". I have to say that when I first was married I struggled with the idea of not trying to change my husband. I thought if there were sin that I saw in his life or some sort of error it was my job as his wife and friend to help him see this. Now, I think that there can be a right way to do this. With much prayer, right timing and a humble, servant's attitude it might be effective. However, it really depends on the husband, the relationship, the wife's history (has she struggle with a similar sin and now is condemning him?), etc. For me personally I have noticed that our marriage is much more harmonious and joyful when I leave the correcting up to God and love my husband for who he is. When I chose to focus on his good traits (and he is just overflowing with them) I am able to sincerely respect him and enjoy the intimate relationship God intends in marriage. I have a truly wonderful husband who's few faults are far outweighed by his virtues. However, if I focus on one of his faults, suddenly all his good attributes are forgotten and that one fault is glaring. I cannot be the loving, respectful wife God commands me to be when this is my attitude and mindset. I would encourage all wives to be much more loving (love covers a multitude of sins) and a lot less critical. Try to leave the things that bother you or even hurt you in God's hands. Take that step of faith by not doing anything, but simply be the wife God calls you to be in scripture (Eph 5:22-33, 1 Pet 3:1-7 & Col 3:18-19). By obeying the scriptural commands for wives there will be nothing you can be blamed for and your husband will be able to distinguish God's conviction from your own condemnation. Trust that God loves you and your husband enough to work effectively in his life and yours without your interference.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Submission: Phase One
In the Bible study I am going through I've come across the chapter on submission. This was just riddled with truths and convicting points. I would like to share some, but there was so much that I think I will have to make several installments. So here is what I like to call phase one:
1. Submission means accept my husband as he is
We are not supposed to make our husbands good, but happy. Making him good is God's job and working of the Holy Spirit. Do you really think it will last if a change comes through our coercing, nagging, encouraging, if our Lord has not worked on his heart to change from the inside out?
Agape love means to accept and love others just as they are, including our husbands. Just as God loves the sinner but hates the sin, we can love those around us, but not condone their sins. This actually can free a wife up to be able to simply love without making judgment calls on her husband.
True submission means we accept our husbands exactly the way they are and don't try to change them through our own obvious or sly methods. We are usurping authority over him and God if we begin to try to change our husbands.
I'm very thankful to have a husband that is easy to submit to. While not perfect, my husband exemplifies a loving, caring and sensitive husband that seeks the Lord and His will for our life and marriage. I have it very easy for the most part, but still there are times I struggle with submission. Going through this chapter, I felt convicted on almost every point. Thank the Lord that He is always forgiving and able to change and mold me into His image and what He wants for me to be as my husband's wife.
Note: The title of this booklet is "A Woman More Precious Than Jewels" by Bonnie Trude. I didn't notice a copyright, but it does say all right reserved and I cannot reprint or duplicate it without written permission. I will try to contact the author, but in the meantime I am sharing much or this by trying to put it into my own words without losing the points.
1. Submission means accept my husband as he is
We are not supposed to make our husbands good, but happy. Making him good is God's job and working of the Holy Spirit. Do you really think it will last if a change comes through our coercing, nagging, encouraging, if our Lord has not worked on his heart to change from the inside out?
Agape love means to accept and love others just as they are, including our husbands. Just as God loves the sinner but hates the sin, we can love those around us, but not condone their sins. This actually can free a wife up to be able to simply love without making judgment calls on her husband.
True submission means we accept our husbands exactly the way they are and don't try to change them through our own obvious or sly methods. We are usurping authority over him and God if we begin to try to change our husbands.
I'm very thankful to have a husband that is easy to submit to. While not perfect, my husband exemplifies a loving, caring and sensitive husband that seeks the Lord and His will for our life and marriage. I have it very easy for the most part, but still there are times I struggle with submission. Going through this chapter, I felt convicted on almost every point. Thank the Lord that He is always forgiving and able to change and mold me into His image and what He wants for me to be as my husband's wife.
Note: The title of this booklet is "A Woman More Precious Than Jewels" by Bonnie Trude. I didn't notice a copyright, but it does say all right reserved and I cannot reprint or duplicate it without written permission. I will try to contact the author, but in the meantime I am sharing much or this by trying to put it into my own words without losing the points.
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